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#Became free from others' gaze #Found the reason I study and my true dream #The happiness of giving love to children
©Korea gapyear
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I, who usually wore dresses and high-heeled shoes and was happy with my reflection in the mirror and most concerned about others'' gazes, was laughing while playing barefoot on the grass, tossing aside my clothes. I wasn''t worried that others might think my behavior was unbecoming. I felt my heart wide open toward those children, and I felt that they had entered deep into my heart.
-2013 Gift of Music music volunteer gap year |
When I first wrote my application for the gap year, I remember writing that I wanted to convey my love and sincerity to the Cambodian children, to let them know that they are worthy of that much love, and if there were children who were having a hard time, to make them smile, plant hope, and become their friend.Even though our languages were different, I wanted to connect with those children through the medium of music. And I felt that I was communicating and connected with the children at Sobankoma. On the first day when I stepped into Sobankoma, I was too shy to approach them. I stood there blankly, not knowing how to react to the children who came up to me while I greeted them in Korean with ''Hello.''
©Korea gapyear
Then, at some point when I looked around, a dozen or so children were surrounding me. I don''t really remember how that happened. At some point the children were teaching me the songs and gestures they knew. Before I knew it I was running barefoot across the grass following them, crawling on the ground and mimicking monkeys while doing the actions. At that moment, I felt connected to those children. I, who normally wore dresses and high heels and was happy with my reflection in the mirror and most worried about others'' gazes, was laughing and playing barefoot on the grass, throwing off my clothes. I wasn''t worried that others might think my play was unseemly. I felt my heart was wide open toward those children and that they had entered deep into my heart.
Moreover, there were especially many children around me compared to others. At first I thought it was simply because I played well with them. But later I was told by the person in charge that the children seemed to seek me out more because they could communicate with me in English. Of course I had studied English to be able to talk with many people, but I felt really glad I had studied English, since the English I learned could be used to convey my heart and love to the children.
On the second day, on the bus back to Sobankoma, I was honestly anxious. What if the children forgot me overnight? What if they didn''t recognize me because I was wearing different clothes? However, the children hadn''t forgotten me; they even remembered my name. They even remembered the promise they had made with me the previous day. Even though I had only met them for one day. I was so grateful for that feeling. It made me happy that I could occupy such a large place in those children''s lives. I thought that might mean I could have a big influence on them. If so, I wanted to leave a good influence.
The day we left Sobankoma — the last day there. As I got off the bus, the children ran up to me and gave me a drawing of me and the children as a gift. They asked if today was the last day and didn''t leave my side, continuing to talk with me. I also wanted to keep memories of them, so I took photos and videos. At that time, a child named Tear said, "These past three days, I enjoyed being with you, Eun-hye." Hearing that the time spent with me had been enjoyable for the children—that I had brought smiles to them—made me very happy. I made promises with a few children: 10-year-old Ratchana, whose dream is to be a doctor, and 6-year-old Molika, who wants to become a police officer; I promised to achieve my dreams and meet them in Korea. If I am having a big influence on them, perhaps this promise will also become a major opportunity and influence for them. And I believe I will definitely be able to meet those children again.
At the time of parting, the children all ran into my arms and hugged me. They hugged me, then ran home and came back to hug me again, repeating farewells several times. I felt sorrow at how coolly they seemed to meet the farewell despite their young age, thinking they must already be accustomed to goodbyes. Yet from the way they kept coming back to hug me, I felt that after all, they were still children. When a child who usually ran away when I approached kissed my cheek and ran off, it left me with a stronger belief that those children would continue to remember me. I didn''t want to say goodbye; it was sad and disappointing that I might not see them again. But knowing that the children would not become cowed or lose confidence even if abandoned by their parents, and that they would boldly pursue their dreams, I was able to part without showing tears.
©Korea gapyear
Through the gap-year volunteer service I temporarily set down the burdens of studying, university and career, and used the time to find a dream rather than a career path. During the semester I am a student who functions according to exams and the CSAT. Studying like that often leaves me drifting when exams approach or when results come out. Why am I studying? What is my real dream? Which school and major do I want to enter? What must I do now to get there? But the ''dreams'' I worried about at that time were never true dreams; they were just career plans. Through the gap-year service I was able to find the reason I study.
I think I was able to feel closer and connected to the Cambodian children not only because we opened our hearts to each other and because of music as a medium, but essentially because I could converse with the children in English and we shared a common interest in children''s songs.I want to feel that I am sharing love with many people in the world and that I am connected to them. So I will learn languages to talk with them, and I will study hard to become close through shared interests. I hope others can also use gap-year volunteering to create an opportunity to find their dreams and reasons.
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