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#Liberated from the compulsion of 'musts' #Got to do everything I wanted in Paris #A sense of satisfaction; observed various ways of living
But when it comes to going to ''must-see'' spots and hunting down famous restaurants, I thought, ''Do I really have to enjoy everything? What''s wrong with missing a few things?'' That''s the mindset I developed.
Even if you see the same view again and again, the weather is different each time, the people you see it with are different, and the weight of accumulated memories is different — so if I choose to zone out by the Seine all day, who can say anything about it? Bonjour! Living in Paris, France for a month Jeong Ji-young, gap-year participant (gapper) (26, office worker) / 4-week gap year |
# I have to go to Paris. I''m going to quit my job.
Resignation. What a grand word. Is it because ''young people these days'' lack perseverance? More people have been boldly handing in resignation letters and deciding to live somewhere for a month.I think the (not-quite) trend of living somewhere for a month may be linked to young people''s early resignations.
Although I used the word ''resignation,'' strictly speaking it was a ''contract expiration.'' A temporary worker''s resignation isn''t that glamorous. Even the ''contract expiration'' after a year had been extended from the initial five months to three months, then two months, then one month, and one more month. It was a contract I was sick of and wanted to end. Why did I keep extending it? Because I was such a loyal ''employee'' — in other words, a pushover.
Exhausted from the repeated cycle of hoping for an end and getting frustrated again and again, I decided to go to Paris with the final contract extension."I''ve already decided to leave, so there will be no further contract extensions." I made it clear. The decision to go to Paris was instantaneous. On the Facebook Korea Gap Year page I saw''Bonjour, living in Paris, France for a month!''— those words.
* For Ji-young, who wanted to regain calm, customized 1:1 personal missions for self-reflection and peace of mind were provided daily, and a Gap Year Notebook was provided so she could reflect and plan.
# Whenever I felt worn out and wanted to leave, I kept visiting the Gap Year website.
Three years ago, while traveling in Europe, I unexpectedly ran into a friend on a street in Rome. She said she would be living in France for two months through a gap-year project. She said she could book her plane tickets freely, so she would travel to other countries before going to Paris.
That was the first time I learned about Korea Gap Year.Since then, whenever I felt tired and wanted to leave, I kept visiting the Gap Year website.Canada demipair, Malta language study, Italian furniture academy... there were so many attractive programs. But I had no money. After blowing my entire savings on the Europe trip, my bank balance frequently plunged to zero. Student Ji-young had resigned herself to that.
I got a contract job at a company I liked, in a place I liked. For me, who had been working part-time as a job seeker, it was a good career opportunity. But the contract period meant I would miss the open recruitment season, so I planned to use the money I earned over five months to travel Southeast Asia. I thought my choices for fulfilling my bucket-list item ''traveling with my mom'' were therefore limited to Asia.
I knew my mother''s wish, since she had hardly traveled abroad, was to visit the Palace of Versailles. My mother, who still dreams of that place she admired as a girl while watching the cartoon ''The Rose of Versailles,'' is like a girl at heart. She let her daughter freely go on U.S. study trips and travel Europe with friends, but she herself had never been anywhere. I wanted to travel with my mother.
The contract period went from five months to a year,and I felt firsthand what it means to be a working person who has money but no time to spend it.I started work at 7 a.m. and worked overtime as if it were a meal, saving money. The last extended month was a tearful month to secure severance pay. The extension was scheduled to end 12 days before the one-year mark, which meant I would have missed out on severance pay right before my eyes. I hated the job so much, but quitting and not receiving severance over those 12 days was something I couldn''t forgive myself for. So I endured and received the severance pay. Finally, I was ready to leave.
"Mom, come to Paris."
# I vowed to live here for a month, do everything I wanted without holding back, and then leave.
If I were just passing through Paris briefly, I would have used English. The French won''t even give you simple greetings like ''hello'' and ''thank you'' in English. France is a proud country. Pride from the revolution? Pride as a major power? It felt like they were saying, ''This is France, so you should speak French.''
On the first day after arriving, I even panicked at the supermarket because I couldn''t understand French while checking out. As soon as I got back from the store I started a French course on Si***. Lesson 1, lesson 2. After two lessons I closed my laptop. Nope — I can''t do it.
Aside from the unfamiliar pronunciation, French grammar was a whole other spectacle. To form a negative, letters are attached before and after the verb. The moment ''ne ... pas'' appeared I gave up. I only walked away with tidbits like ''r'' sounding like an h and ''i'' sounding like an a, and I quit the lesson. It was only a five-day trial, so my French wouldn''t dramatically improve in five days anyway. I memorized only a few sentences I thought I''d use often.
Where are the toilets? (Où se trouve les toilettes?) Where is the restroom?
Paris is a city where you simply can''t find toilets. Unlike our country, where you can find clean restrooms as soon as you enter a subway station, it''s hard to find a proper bathroom in Paris. Some café restrooms even required coins. The public toilet booths on the street had no toilet seats and sometimes overflowed. I decided it was better to pay to use a café restroom than to use the public toilets.
I didn''t mind even the unfriendly Paris, where there were hardly any elevators or even escalators in the metro.Even if the subway was full of grime, I loved that it was Paris. The city of romance, Paris! When you walk, you end up walking endlessly—20,000 or 30,000 steps a day. The Paris from that architecture-class I toured on Google Earth—I was treading it with my own two feet.I liked that.I vowed that while living here for a month I would do everything I wanted to the fullest before leaving.
# I had done that kind of trip too, and this time I didn''t want to.
"Only Paris for a month? Isn''t that too long?"
"I didn''t think much of Paris; I think four days would be enough to see everything."
When I told people I was going to Paris for a month they reacted with ''A whole month?'' and ''Just Paris?'' Many people, with the typical Korean mindset of having to get your money''s worth from a plane ticket to Europe, take trips that involve moving with a suitcase almost every day. I had done that kind of trip too, and this time I didn''t want to.
"My thoughts on day 3 in Paris"
Instead of a trip just to take one posed photo, I could enjoy a leisurely trip where I eat breakfast, lie down and ask ''Where shall I go today?'' and then decide. Even if it''s only a month, it''s ''living''!
The weather was too nice to go straight to my accommodation, so I crossed a bridge and there was Notre-Dame; the alleys were pretty and as I walked I found Shakespeare and Company bookstore—everyday life!
You can enjoy Paris like catching a glimpse of Gyeongbokgung Palace on the way to the bus after meeting a friend in Seoul—how could it be better.Each day in Paris made me happy because I could think ''I''ll come back next time'', ''I''ll come with a friend'', ''I''ll come with my mom'' :)
Can you see the excited me in the day-3 diary of Paris? I was overflowing with leisure; waking up each day with no plans made me happy.
"My thoughts on day 13 in Paris"
If you had the chance to live in Paris for a month, what would you want to do?
Looking at the list I wrote before going to Paris, items included ''spend the whole day in a museum and look around slowly'', ''sit by the Seine all day and stare into space'', and ''walk aimlessly''. I think I romanticized fully enjoying that time and space without time constraints. In common, it seems to reflect a desire to enjoy ''rest'' without thinking about anything.
To sum up, I tried them all. Really. All of them. In Paris they were truly nothing special.
While writing the blog post on day 13 in Paris, I remembered the day I sat by the Seine spacing out for two hours and wrote about it.
Actually, I didn''t visit all the tourist spots in Paris.But I came to adopt the mindset of ''Do I have to enjoy everything? So what if I miss something'' about visiting ''must-see'' spots and hunting down famous restaurants.
Even if you see the same view again and again, the weather is different each time, the people you''re with are different, and the thickness of accumulated memories is different—if I choose to spend a whole day spacing out by the Seine, who could complain?
# It''s not just a trip—it''s a gap year, so I wanted to focus on myself.
A woman alone in Paris, which is notorious for poor security. Many people asked whether I''d really be safe alone and whether I''d be bored.Actually, I wanted some alone time to ask myself questions and enjoy contemplation. It''s not just a trip—it''s a gap year, so I wanted to focus on myself.
Maybe because I''m fearless, I didn''t worry at all about safety. I thought it was enough to keep a reasonable level of caution. (Of course, no matter how careful you are, if you become a target you can fall victim to Paris pickpockets.)
From the first day I arrived in Paris I took out my laptop and started blogging. I sat on the balcony bench, looked at the courtyard and began to write. At that moment, the guesthouse people came back with ice cream. They invited me to eat together.
Before coming to Paris,My heart was exhausted, so in Paris I didn''t want any stimulation at all, and I was very skeptical about relationships.I was already completely tired of people and didn''t want to expend energy getting close to new ones.
But I ended up getting close. In just two days.
People who had applied through a gap year program to live in France for a month gathered in the same accommodation. As of the end of May when I arrived, there were eight long-term residents in our lodge. Participants in the month-stay, students preparing to study abroad—everyone had different reasons for staying in Paris for a long time, but because people of similar ages lived together in a foreign place and spent time together, we bonded quickly.
It also helped that most of us shared the common status of having quit our jobs or being job seekers.The happy hour (wine party) that started every night at 9 showed no sign of ending.Except for me, most had been staying at the accommodation since early to mid-May, and as soon as I arrived they were one by one preparing to return to Korea, so every day felt like a farewell party. I also partied like there was no tomorrow. In fact, there really was no tomorrow :)
We spent ten days going out together day and night, and even after the gappers left, international-student friends remained. We met once a week to see the Eiffel Tower''s 1 a.m. sparkle and to make tteokbokki together. I lived my days meeting friends just like in Korea—only the place was Paris.
I actually met Korean friends in Paris—three friends came during the month. Acting like a local, I showed them around different parts of Paris and took them to my favorite restaurants, so to them I was already a Parisienne.
I also met many people through communities. Sometimes I simply looked for companions to spend time with, but more often I formed connections through those communities and helped each other out. A working person who enjoys photography offered to take free snapshots, so we went to shoot at Fontainebleau Palace, and I lent my spare phone to someone who had theirs stolen by pickpockets in the UK. (I had brought a spare phone in case of loss.) Those people still meet up when we return to Korea to pass things along, so they no longer feel like strangers at all.
You might think, "You went all the way to Paris and only met Koreans—didn''t you make any foreign friends?" But in reality, in programs that don''t include foreigners doing the same activities together—like language schools or volunteer programs—it''s not easy to meet local friends. It may also be my fault for waving off every kindness out of fear of pickpockets. But what does it matter whether they''re foreigners or Koreans? There are people who share the memories of my Paris.
# I puffed out my chest, saying I had planned our whole trip.
My mom came to Paris. It was time to show her the Paris I had roamed for a month. We also went to her wish—the Palace of Versailles!
Would my mom, who is a light sleeper, be able to sleep well in the dorm room where I stayed? What if the food doesn''t suit her? What if she is disappointed and thinks it''s not as good as she expected?
But my mom is my mom after all. With far more stamina and willpower than I have, she didn''t complain a single word. She trusted me, the trip planner, completely and was satisfied no matter what.People asked how we had traveled, and I shrugged proudly, saying I had prepared the whole trip.
# After all, I''m me and I won''t change. Instead, I''m just increasing the number of lives I see and experience.
A month living in Paris, three weeks traveling through Europe. I spent a total of 52 days in Europe. For a job seeker, June and July are golden months to raise your qualifications day by day—language study, certifications, aptitude tests, company analysis—before the second-half recruitment. You have to find ways to make your presence known, even a little, for the needle-like openings at large companies.
Was it because of travel fatigue? I expected I wouldn''t get over it easily, but the aftereffects of the European trip were considerable.
It wasn''t just a simple longing of "it was so great~." Why do I have to prepare for employment at this exact time? Why would a 26-year-old in Korea be judged if they don''t try to get a full-time job? Could I be the one to quit at 30 and travel the world and write a book about it? Is it selfish to live thinking only of myself rather than of social status? I love traveling, documenting, and meeting people—do I really have to find a job that requires commuting to an office?
Maybe I just don''t want to prepare for employment or study and want to give myself a justification. I soaked up foreign experiences and, in two months, installed a European mindset patch, but I returned to Korea. Reality. I indulged in wasteful fun and shouted ''YOLO,'' but soon I had to find a job to fill both the career gap and the gap in my bank account.
It would be a big mistake to think a gap year would give me the answers. Even before I went, I had almost daily worries about what kind of work I should do and how I should live, and if a mere one-month gap year were going to provide the answers, I wouldn''t have been worrying so much.After all, I''m me and I don''t change. Instead, I''m simply increasing the ways I see and experience different lives.
And beyond the one-month ''gap year program,'' I planned to make the whole year my gap year.My gap year isn''t over yet, so it''s okay to wander a little longer!
But when it comes to going to ''must-see'' spots and hunting down famous restaurants, I thought, ''Do I really have to enjoy everything? What''s wrong with missing a few things?'' That''s the mindset I developed.
Even if you see the same view again and again, the weather is different each time, the people you see it with are different, and the weight of accumulated memories is different — so if I choose to zone out by the Seine all day, who can say anything about it? Bonjour! Living in Paris, France for a month Jeong Ji-young, gap-year participant (gapper) (26, office worker) / 4-week gap year |
# I have to go to Paris. I''m going to quit my job.
Resignation. What a grand word. Is it because ''young people these days'' lack perseverance? More people have been boldly handing in resignation letters and deciding to live somewhere for a month.I think the (not-quite) trend of living somewhere for a month may be linked to young people''s early resignations.
Although I used the word ''resignation,'' strictly speaking it was a ''contract expiration.'' A temporary worker''s resignation isn''t that glamorous. Even the ''contract expiration'' after a year had been extended from the initial five months to three months, then two months, then one month, and one more month. It was a contract I was sick of and wanted to end. Why did I keep extending it? Because I was such a loyal ''employee'' — in other words, a pushover.
Exhausted from the repeated cycle of hoping for an end and getting frustrated again and again, I decided to go to Paris with the final contract extension."I''ve already decided to leave, so there will be no further contract extensions." I made it clear. The decision to go to Paris was instantaneous. On the Facebook Korea Gap Year page I saw''Bonjour, living in Paris, France for a month!''— those words.
* For Ji-young, who wanted to regain calm, customized 1:1 personal missions for self-reflection and peace of mind were provided daily, and a Gap Year Notebook was provided so she could reflect and plan.
# Whenever I felt worn out and wanted to leave, I kept visiting the Gap Year website.
Three years ago, while traveling in Europe, I unexpectedly ran into a friend on a street in Rome. She said she would be living in France for two months through a gap-year project. She said she could book her plane tickets freely, so she would travel to other countries before going to Paris.
That was the first time I learned about Korea Gap Year.Since then, whenever I felt tired and wanted to leave, I kept visiting the Gap Year website.Canada demipair, Malta language study, Italian furniture academy... there were so many attractive programs. But I had no money. After blowing my entire savings on the Europe trip, my bank balance frequently plunged to zero. Student Ji-young had resigned herself to that.
I got a contract job at a company I liked, in a place I liked. For me, who had been working part-time as a job seeker, it was a good career opportunity. But the contract period meant I would miss the open recruitment season, so I planned to use the money I earned over five months to travel Southeast Asia. I thought my choices for fulfilling my bucket-list item ''traveling with my mom'' were therefore limited to Asia.
I knew my mother''s wish, since she had hardly traveled abroad, was to visit the Palace of Versailles. My mother, who still dreams of that place she admired as a girl while watching the cartoon ''The Rose of Versailles,'' is like a girl at heart. She let her daughter freely go on U.S. study trips and travel Europe with friends, but she herself had never been anywhere. I wanted to travel with my mother.
The contract period went from five months to a year,and I felt firsthand what it means to be a working person who has money but no time to spend it.I started work at 7 a.m. and worked overtime as if it were a meal, saving money. The last extended month was a tearful month to secure severance pay. The extension was scheduled to end 12 days before the one-year mark, which meant I would have missed out on severance pay right before my eyes. I hated the job so much, but quitting and not receiving severance over those 12 days was something I couldn''t forgive myself for. So I endured and received the severance pay. Finally, I was ready to leave.
"Mom, come to Paris."
# I vowed to live here for a month, do everything I wanted without holding back, and then leave.
If I were just passing through Paris briefly, I would have used English. The French won''t even give you simple greetings like ''hello'' and ''thank you'' in English. France is a proud country. Pride from the revolution? Pride as a major power? It felt like they were saying, ''This is France, so you should speak French.''
On the first day after arriving, I even panicked at the supermarket because I couldn''t understand French while checking out. As soon as I got back from the store I started a French course on Si***. Lesson 1, lesson 2. After two lessons I closed my laptop. Nope — I can''t do it.
Aside from the unfamiliar pronunciation, French grammar was a whole other spectacle. To form a negative, letters are attached before and after the verb. The moment ''ne ... pas'' appeared I gave up. I only walked away with tidbits like ''r'' sounding like an h and ''i'' sounding like an a, and I quit the lesson. It was only a five-day trial, so my French wouldn''t dramatically improve in five days anyway. I memorized only a few sentences I thought I''d use often.
Where are the toilets? (Où se trouve les toilettes?) Where is the restroom?
Paris is a city where you simply can''t find toilets. Unlike our country, where you can find clean restrooms as soon as you enter a subway station, it''s hard to find a proper bathroom in Paris. Some café restrooms even required coins. The public toilet booths on the street had no toilet seats and sometimes overflowed. I decided it was better to pay to use a café restroom than to use the public toilets.
I didn''t mind even the unfriendly Paris, where there were hardly any elevators or even escalators in the metro.Even if the subway was full of grime, I loved that it was Paris. The city of romance, Paris! When you walk, you end up walking endlessly—20,000 or 30,000 steps a day. The Paris from that architecture-class I toured on Google Earth—I was treading it with my own two feet.I liked that.I vowed that while living here for a month I would do everything I wanted to the fullest before leaving.
# I had done that kind of trip too, and this time I didn''t want to.
"Only Paris for a month? Isn''t that too long?"
"I didn''t think much of Paris; I think four days would be enough to see everything."
When I told people I was going to Paris for a month they reacted with ''A whole month?'' and ''Just Paris?'' Many people, with the typical Korean mindset of having to get your money''s worth from a plane ticket to Europe, take trips that involve moving with a suitcase almost every day. I had done that kind of trip too, and this time I didn''t want to.
"My thoughts on day 3 in Paris"
Instead of a trip just to take one posed photo, I could enjoy a leisurely trip where I eat breakfast, lie down and ask ''Where shall I go today?'' and then decide. Even if it''s only a month, it''s ''living''!
The weather was too nice to go straight to my accommodation, so I crossed a bridge and there was Notre-Dame; the alleys were pretty and as I walked I found Shakespeare and Company bookstore—everyday life!
You can enjoy Paris like catching a glimpse of Gyeongbokgung Palace on the way to the bus after meeting a friend in Seoul—how could it be better.Each day in Paris made me happy because I could think ''I''ll come back next time'', ''I''ll come with a friend'', ''I''ll come with my mom'' :)
Can you see the excited me in the day-3 diary of Paris? I was overflowing with leisure; waking up each day with no plans made me happy.
"My thoughts on day 13 in Paris"
If you had the chance to live in Paris for a month, what would you want to do?
Looking at the list I wrote before going to Paris, items included ''spend the whole day in a museum and look around slowly'', ''sit by the Seine all day and stare into space'', and ''walk aimlessly''. I think I romanticized fully enjoying that time and space without time constraints. In common, it seems to reflect a desire to enjoy ''rest'' without thinking about anything.
To sum up, I tried them all. Really. All of them. In Paris they were truly nothing special.
While writing the blog post on day 13 in Paris, I remembered the day I sat by the Seine spacing out for two hours and wrote about it.
Actually, I didn''t visit all the tourist spots in Paris.But I came to adopt the mindset of ''Do I have to enjoy everything? So what if I miss something'' about visiting ''must-see'' spots and hunting down famous restaurants.
Even if you see the same view again and again, the weather is different each time, the people you''re with are different, and the thickness of accumulated memories is different—if I choose to spend a whole day spacing out by the Seine, who could complain?
# It''s not just a trip—it''s a gap year, so I wanted to focus on myself.
A woman alone in Paris, which is notorious for poor security. Many people asked whether I''d really be safe alone and whether I''d be bored.Actually, I wanted some alone time to ask myself questions and enjoy contemplation. It''s not just a trip—it''s a gap year, so I wanted to focus on myself.
Maybe because I''m fearless, I didn''t worry at all about safety. I thought it was enough to keep a reasonable level of caution. (Of course, no matter how careful you are, if you become a target you can fall victim to Paris pickpockets.)
From the first day I arrived in Paris I took out my laptop and started blogging. I sat on the balcony bench, looked at the courtyard and began to write. At that moment, the guesthouse people came back with ice cream. They invited me to eat together.
Before coming to Paris,My heart was exhausted, so in Paris I didn''t want any stimulation at all, and I was very skeptical about relationships.I was already completely tired of people and didn''t want to expend energy getting close to new ones.
But I ended up getting close. In just two days.
People who had applied through a gap year program to live in France for a month gathered in the same accommodation. As of the end of May when I arrived, there were eight long-term residents in our lodge. Participants in the month-stay, students preparing to study abroad—everyone had different reasons for staying in Paris for a long time, but because people of similar ages lived together in a foreign place and spent time together, we bonded quickly.
It also helped that most of us shared the common status of having quit our jobs or being job seekers.The happy hour (wine party) that started every night at 9 showed no sign of ending.Except for me, most had been staying at the accommodation since early to mid-May, and as soon as I arrived they were one by one preparing to return to Korea, so every day felt like a farewell party. I also partied like there was no tomorrow. In fact, there really was no tomorrow :)
We spent ten days going out together day and night, and even after the gappers left, international-student friends remained. We met once a week to see the Eiffel Tower''s 1 a.m. sparkle and to make tteokbokki together. I lived my days meeting friends just like in Korea—only the place was Paris.
I actually met Korean friends in Paris—three friends came during the month. Acting like a local, I showed them around different parts of Paris and took them to my favorite restaurants, so to them I was already a Parisienne.
I also met many people through communities. Sometimes I simply looked for companions to spend time with, but more often I formed connections through those communities and helped each other out. A working person who enjoys photography offered to take free snapshots, so we went to shoot at Fontainebleau Palace, and I lent my spare phone to someone who had theirs stolen by pickpockets in the UK. (I had brought a spare phone in case of loss.) Those people still meet up when we return to Korea to pass things along, so they no longer feel like strangers at all.
You might think, "You went all the way to Paris and only met Koreans—didn''t you make any foreign friends?" But in reality, in programs that don''t include foreigners doing the same activities together—like language schools or volunteer programs—it''s not easy to meet local friends. It may also be my fault for waving off every kindness out of fear of pickpockets. But what does it matter whether they''re foreigners or Koreans? There are people who share the memories of my Paris.
# I puffed out my chest, saying I had planned our whole trip.
My mom came to Paris. It was time to show her the Paris I had roamed for a month. We also went to her wish—the Palace of Versailles!
Would my mom, who is a light sleeper, be able to sleep well in the dorm room where I stayed? What if the food doesn''t suit her? What if she is disappointed and thinks it''s not as good as she expected?
But my mom is my mom after all. With far more stamina and willpower than I have, she didn''t complain a single word. She trusted me, the trip planner, completely and was satisfied no matter what.People asked how we had traveled, and I shrugged proudly, saying I had prepared the whole trip.
# After all, I''m me and I won''t change. Instead, I''m just increasing the number of lives I see and experience.
A month living in Paris, three weeks traveling through Europe. I spent a total of 52 days in Europe. For a job seeker, June and July are golden months to raise your qualifications day by day—language study, certifications, aptitude tests, company analysis—before the second-half recruitment. You have to find ways to make your presence known, even a little, for the needle-like openings at large companies.
Was it because of travel fatigue? I expected I wouldn''t get over it easily, but the aftereffects of the European trip were considerable.
It wasn''t just a simple longing of "it was so great~." Why do I have to prepare for employment at this exact time? Why would a 26-year-old in Korea be judged if they don''t try to get a full-time job? Could I be the one to quit at 30 and travel the world and write a book about it? Is it selfish to live thinking only of myself rather than of social status? I love traveling, documenting, and meeting people—do I really have to find a job that requires commuting to an office?
Maybe I just don''t want to prepare for employment or study and want to give myself a justification. I soaked up foreign experiences and, in two months, installed a European mindset patch, but I returned to Korea. Reality. I indulged in wasteful fun and shouted ''YOLO,'' but soon I had to find a job to fill both the career gap and the gap in my bank account.
It would be a big mistake to think a gap year would give me the answers. Even before I went, I had almost daily worries about what kind of work I should do and how I should live, and if a mere one-month gap year were going to provide the answers, I wouldn''t have been worrying so much.After all, I''m me and I don''t change. Instead, I''m simply increasing the ways I see and experience different lives.
And beyond the one-month ''gap year program,'' I planned to make the whole year my gap year.My gap year isn''t over yet, so it''s okay to wander a little longer!
Home
Take a step out of your comfort zone.
Challenge yourself for your own sake.
Feel complete freedom.
Be happy.
