"I tried things on my own without worrying about others, and the sense of accomplishment from doing something I had planned greatly increased my satisfaction. Still, there is a fear of taking on new challenges, but I feel that if I start practicing with small things, it will get better." [Thailand Internship/Overseas Internship] Harvard student heads to Thailand to brighten the world! Lee Dong-hwan, gap year-er, gapper (26 years old, university student) / 12-week gap year |
# My second challenge, started because I wanted to be more proactive and eliminate the fear of failure
I recently finished and returned from my second gap year project. This time it felt a bit different from the last. I always get scared and give up when I start something new or take on a challenge. I don''t even try. So in this project,I wanted to be more proactive, care less about what others think, and get rid of the fear of failure.
Before I went, the consultant called it an internship, but I felt it was somewhat like volunteer work. I guess it depends on how you view it. The organization itself is a small company and orphanage started by an American couple in Thailand. There are rules for volunteers like us, but in almost negligible circumstances,we create and carry out the work we want to do.
Of course, you have to do something that will be helpful to the local organization. I participated in this project for a total of three months, and if asked after the first or second month whether it was more meaningful than my previous Vietnam project, I would have said no and that it was really not great. I wouldn''t have wanted to recommend it either, especially to people with fragile mental strength. As for my story, it was a difficult time for me from the start, a continuous period soaked in self-reproach.
I was already intimidated after having an interview with the director who oversees things in Thailand. Although my consultant strongly recommended that I go, I wondered what I could do there. I had already done children care (childcare volunteer work) in Vietnam, so I didn''t want to repeat the same work in Thailand, and the organization rejected marketing or other areas because I lacked expertise.
So what I felt I could do was,I wanted to work on the main project of this Thailand internship, Biochar (biochar, one of the organization''s primary environmental projects).So I started to learn more about the local organization and biochar. Still, the initial situation was overwhelming.
But at that time I was strangely armed with tremendous confidence. I thought I had some overseas experience and had already gone through many difficult situations before; I may not adapt quickly, but I have patience and a personality that endures and adapts, so I wasn''t worried about adapting, and
Lastly,because my consultant had given me a lot of encouraging words that raised my confidence.(I''m truly grateful for that. Even afterward, when I was in Thailand, you cared for me despite being busy.)
# I wanted to show ''I can do something on my own!'' so I decided to try again from the beginning.
But as soon as I arrived in Thailand, this newfound confidence vanished as if it had never existed. I fell into despair. What can I do here? Will I really be helpful? I feel like I really came to the wrong place, and I kept thinking like that. Still,I believed in myself and wanted to show ''I can do something on my own.''When starting something new, I tried to take it step by step from the beginning, looking around and checking how things worked, but I couldn''t easily find a method.
So to overcome the situation, I talked with my consultant, the gap year staff helped me in various ways, and I talked a lot with the director of the local organization. I also tried talking to several people on my own and attempted to resolve it myself.With help from many people, my anxious and depressed mind calmed down, and I decided to try again from the beginning.
So I first supported by following a friend who was working in the biochar part for about two weeks, and afterward I concluded that maybe I could help on my own.
I actually did that for several weeks, but it wasn''t very helpful. Strangely, although I realized that the methods and efforts I made yielded no results, I wasn''t anxious like before. I didn''t know then. Later I realized why, even though I knew, I didn''t feel anxious.I had already resigned myself mentally and given up on the situation. So even though I knew it, I did nothing.
# I discovered that I was complacent in an autonomous situation and reflected on myself!
Before I realized this, an older female staff member appeared in my Thai life. I think she is smart and someone to emulate, but to be honest, I don''t like her much. She has a somewhat prejudiced view of Koreans due to bad impressions from Korean volunteers she has met before.
The first meeting was really impactful. Volunteers who had met her before had told me she was a very strange woman. I just laughed it off. On the first day I came to the volunteer office and greeted her; she asked my name and where I was from since she had never seen me before. I said who I was and that I was from Korea. But the moment I finished saying I was from Korea, she spent ten minutes telling me stereotypes about Koreans or stories she had directly experienced.
She said that all Koreans grew up under their parents and find it difficult to try things on their own. Also, they came to this organization to enjoy parties rather than internships. She really couldn''t understand why they came. Still ...I didn''t care. I thought the person he met wasn''t me and that I''m not that kind of person. Even after it happened, I just went about my usual routine and didn''t feel anything.
Then the day came when the French friends I had been staying with and the friend from Singapore were leaving. Instead of working, they were writing something all day. I was curious and asked, and they said they were writing posts to put on the local organization''s blog run by that woman. The blog posts described what they did and what they felt during their time in Thailand to show others.
It was then that I realized it myself.
I''ve been here for two months—what have I been doing...?
When I realized that, I became anxious again and reconsidered the feelings I had had up to that point. Only then...I had been complacent in a comfortable situation where no one was touching me, and since I was in Thailand anyway, I just went to work and did the job.
I thought, ''I''ve been unknowingly continuing to do work that doesn''t suit me.'' And...I wondered why I had come here. I also thought about what I had hoped to gain from this gap year.
# The sense of accomplishment from doing something I had planned increased my satisfaction!
Come to think of it, I wasn''t much different from the other Korean volunteers that elderly female staff had encountered. I wasn''t a useless person, but I wasn''t someone who was particularly helpful either — just mediocre. So...I wanted to spend the last remaining month meaningfully, so I went to a volunteer named Dawn, whom I had respected, and told her my story and received a lot of advice.Dawn had experience working in Singapore and was good at planning and executing projects. Dawn was the person who made me remember why I came to Thailand.
If you ask whether I spent this last month meaningfully, I''d say about 70% yes.I did what I wanted on my own without worrying about others, and the sense of achievement from doing something I had planned seemed to greatly increase my satisfaction.Still, the fear of trying new things exists, but I feel that if you start practicing with small steps, you''ll improve.
I felt this during the project, but now I think I''ve developed further. I''m in that kind of situation now, and...I''m still afraid, but rather than being terrified, I have a stronger desire to give it a try. During this gap year, based on what I saw, heard, and felt in Thailand, I reflected a lot on my own and also realized that everything depends on yourself.
To learn everything, if you don''t feel it and make an effort, you won''t be able to experience it even if you have a hundred gap years. When I was really worried, if the people who helped me hadn''t been there, I might not have been able to feel it. Therefore, I want to say thank you to the gap year that gave me this experience and to the people who, in any way, helped me through it. Even to that elderly female staff member I didn''t really like.
# My gap year tips
(Language)
It depends on the field you work in. Teaching children doesn''t require much English. But when I first worked in the biochar section, there were so many words I didn''t know and there were meetings, so it was very hard.
But...The local organization director and staff will understand even if you don''t know everything. It''s your first time.And as you work, you''ll pick up the vocabulary, so it generally won''t be a problem.
(Accommodation)
There''s a big house in the small town where only we live. The bathroom isn''t as nice as in Korea and, typical of Southeast Asia, there are bugs and lizards, but my friends and I adopted a cat and raised it. The cat will look after you. Its name is Chango! Pronounced between ''Jang'' and ''Chang''—you can call it ''Chango'' (like ''chang-go'').
(Meals)
On weekdays we eat three meals at the workplace. You pay 25 baht each. On weekends, if you travel you''ll buy food at your destination; if you don''t travel you can go to the local organization to eat or eat at nearby restaurants. If you like cooking, you can cook.
* Note: Depending on the activity you participate in, if you have to buy meals at the activity site, the local organization provides pocket money (for motorcycle fuel, meal costs, etc.). The exact amount and whether pocket money is provided may change or be unavailable depending on local conditions or the activity. |
(What to bring)
You don''t really need to prepare anything special. But as I mentioned above, You should bring a laptop and mosquito spray. If you go in winter, pack a pair of gloves. Your hands get a bit cold when riding a motorcycle at night. Also, winter isn''t generally cold, but the 1–2 weeks around Christmas are really cold... Bring a heavy coat.
# The best Christmas of my life, filled with lots of love and great memories
For a fun experience, every Thursday the volunteers cook together. And they drink beer too. For someone like me who can''t cook, it was painful, but because we made the food in groups of two or three rather than alone, it was less of a problem and more of a fun memoryThat was the case.
Also, doing everything together with the other participants was one of the reasons I was able to enjoy Thailand. Since I naturally like spending time with other people, it was perfect.Thanks to that, I had the best Christmas of my life.People I remember are Nick, Mykel, Nit, Juliet and Laura. I received a lot of love from these friends and very good memories.
To the prospective participants who will join this project in the future,if someone is going to work on biochar, I want to tell them it''s really difficult and could cause panic, like it did for me. If you start only out of curiosity, you''ll get into big trouble.
And I want to advise being careful of the older female staff member I kept mentioning. She''s someone who deliberately acts tough; having encountered many bad cases among Koreans, she has some stereotypes. She tends to speak bluntly, and I heard many participants cried.
If that woman speaks bluntly to you as well, don''t be intimidated. She''s certainly smart and respectable, but she''s just pretending to be tough. Don''t be scared like I was!!
# My personal Thailand destinations
I didn''t travel much. Traveling is a bit difficult. Even to the largest city, Chiang Mai, you have to go by car. There are places like Chiang Rai and Pai nearby, but they''re all far.
So I visited Chiang Mai a lot. It''s the second most famous city in Thailand and there are many things to see and do. After the program ended I went to Bangkok.
Our visa is valid for 90 days, but 12 weeks is 84 days, so I had 6 extra days in Thailand. So I spent the remaining time in Bangkok. Because there are no direct flights from Chiang Mai back to other regions, you have to stop in Bangkok, so go to Bangkok. The plane ticket is also cheap—about 30,000 won.
I''m happy to have gotten what I wanted. I still have some fear about starting, but I think I can enjoy this.
