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#Broke free from others' gaze and accepted myself #Gained valuable connections and travel experiences in Jeju #Gained everyday life experiences and personal realizations in Jeju
At first I thought it was because I had only seen the pretty things in Jeju, but when I looked more closely, I realized that even though I had been living in a truly beautiful place, I had often complained simply because I was used to it. Thinking of this place as Jeju made it feel like it became Jeju. With the energy I gained from Jeju, I think I can look at the choices I have to make in life a little more broadly.
-Jeju! I want to live there, Gap Year Stay / Son Jinju Gap Year tribe Gapper / 8-week Gap Year |
Recklessly, just recklessly.
Not even knowing what was making me struggle, I hated that I was so conscious of others'' gazes, and I wanted, blindly, to change myself.
So I impulsively chose a gap year and impulsively went to Jeju, which I thought was the farthest place.
Before leaving for Jeju, during the gap year orientation I set goals and plans. I was able to unpack more deeply the parts I had thought about and worried over a lot, and through counseling I even allowed myself a little hope that something could change, but because it wasn''t visible before my eyes,anxietyfilled me.
Having no grand illusions about Jeju, I boarded the plane thinking it would just be another place where people lived, without any flutter of excitement; the thought of simply leaving made me feel somewhat light and somewhat fearful. Through the gap year I hoped that many of my thoughts and deep worries, a concrete plan for my future, and the uneasy feelings I couldn''t name would all be soothed.
My daily life in Jeju began.
Thus the gap year to find ''myself'' began, and life in Jeju started. Jeju, which I had thought would be just the same, truly was a magical island. My choice—Jeju—was right. The emerald sea visible beyond the window, the sunset and the island across seen from the guesthouse rooftop, and the scenery from the moving bus,all seeped into me..
I uttered exclamations all day, and every place I lifted my camera became a picture. The meteors dripping down across the black canvas of the night sky are still unforgettable. By only looking at pretty things like that, I simply saw and felt and my thoughts disappeared. All the resolve I had vowed—''I must do it, I will see the end of my thoughts''—crumbled. Freeing myself from obsessions and stress, it was truly wonderful to stare at the sea with no thoughts.
During my free time I walked along Hyupjae Beach or visited the traditional five-day market, and often moved around with guests to enjoy short moments together. Staff work wasn''t always easy, but for someone like me who likes meeting people, each day was enjoyable. I looked forward to which guest I would be with that day, and even after spending just one day together they felt like family, so parting was very sad.
It seemed more intimate than family to tell a person I had just met about my life, to encourage and advise them, and that situation felt wondrous. I wondered: if this weren''t Jeju, if it weren''t a travel destination, would this be possible? Meeting so many people made me think a lot about ''connections.'' It felt as if I''d met everyone I would meet in my lifetime at 23. I often wondered whether these passing connections would ever be seen again.
Above all, advice and reflections from strangers I first met in a different place sometimes struck me shockingly. What I heard from staff who spent the short two months with me, seeing me without prejudice as ''me,'' pointed out things I had never thought of, and the words I always treated as nagging from friends and parents weren''t merely nagging—they were parts of myself I realized I needed to change going forward.
As I poured out my worries to guests a lot, the most memorable piece of advice was,"Find your charm by experiencing many things."I really liked that phrase. The meaning is similar, but usually people say ''find the work that suits you''; being told to find ''my charm'' that can attract someone or something felt like it was hiding somewhere in my life, waiting for me.
Besides the time spent at the guesthouse, the trips around Jeju I took on holidays were also wonderful. What I newly learned was that Jeju is truly a large island, and more than tourist spots, the nooks and crannies of its villages are full of beauty. Although I couldn''t see all of Jeju, it was great for walking, bicycle trips, and driving along the coastal road.
All the scenery could be taken in at a glance and stretched out so openly that it refreshed the heart of anyone walking the roads. While staying on Jeju''s west and traveling east, I discovered the different charms of the west and east coasts. The west coast was dynamic, the east had a tranquil atmosphere. Jump shots at the beach and selfie sticks were a must, and on days off when I stayed at other guesthouses, we would travel together out of a sense of camaraderie as staff who had come down from the mainland to Jeju, and we''d bring people we met back to the guesthouses we worked at. As I enjoyed each day like that, it felt too good to keep to myself. I felt proud to be my friends'' guide, showing them what I had felt and touring Jeju together.
Although every place in Jeju was lovely,the place I liked best was,the night sea of Hyupjaeandthe sunset viewed from an oreum (volcanic hill)and the indispensable when it comes to Jeju,HallasanIt was. I still can''t forget the night sea viewed from the guesthouse roof that met the starlit sky every evening. The daily moments of reflection and listening to music, and the people I watched the night sea with, will remain in my memories for a long time.
On the oreum (a small volcanic hill) I ran up between the reeds so as not to miss the setting sun, and the feeling when I shouted at the top of my lungs and felt completely liberated was so good. I was also very proud of myself for climbing Hallasan, the highest mountain in our country. The nervous excitement before climbing, the fear during the climb when it was so hard I wondered if I could reach the summit and come back down, the feeling of standing at Baekrokdam as if in another world, and the overwhelming tears when I descended — those feelings are still so vivid. Maybe after climbing Hallasan I felt like I had seen all of Jeju?
What I could gain, and who I was going to meet.
It was so sad to have to leave behind beautiful destinations, wonderful people, and places and people I was grateful for and return to everyday life. As the day to leave Jeju approached, my heart felt restless and more wistful, so I think I kept looking at the sea for longer. At first I thought a lot about what I could get from taking a gap year and who I would meet, and by the time I was leaving Jeju that reason became clear.
Above all, I realized that I had come to meet the precious people I met in Jeju whose relationships have continued to this day, and to meet myself. I understood that I must acknowledge who I am in order to seek ways to live, and I became determined to remain myself and not lose myself to others'' opinions.
Even when I landed at Daegu Airport after leaving Jeju, it didn''t feel real that I had left. Looking at the mountains in front of me I thought of Hallasan, and seeing the river I thought of Hyeopjae Beach. I also realized that my mindset is the most important thing when looking at anything. Little by little, every landscape and object began to look beautiful.
At first I thought it was because I had only seen pretty things in Jeju, but upon closer look, I realized I had truly been living in a beautiful place.Nevertheless, I think I often complained simply because I was so used to it. It''s as if thinking ''this is Jeju'' made it become Jeju.With the energy I gained from Jeju, I think I''ll be able to view the choices I have to make in life a bit more broadly..
I left to find a precise answer, but I didn''t get an exact one. However, I received great help in being able to pursue that answer. I''m still far from finding my answer, but I think I''ll live to find it — for myself. I want to say that time for ''me'' is truly precious. To those considering taking a gap year: I want to tell you to just do it!
