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Focus only on your own growth.
GapYear is a time for growth and happiness.
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Name:An Si-nae
Gap year period:March 2014 – Present
Experiences during the gap year:Traveled to 8 countries(Malaysia, Thailand, India, Morocco, Egypt, Spain, France, Italy)
Reason for taking a gap year
"The most beautiful and happiest moment of my life"
In high schoolIreland's Transition Year (Transition Year)I happened to watch a documentary about itand thought, 'Why don't we have a system like this in our country?'I thought. Then I said to myself, 'Ican simply create my own gap year,' I decided.and resolved that during one of the most beautiful periods of my lifeI would spend one year doing what my heart desires,fully enjoying the precious time of my youth.I vowed to spend it.I made this vow. At 21, with the decision to leave,I applied for a leave of absence and, after saving 3.5 million wonI left and returned after traveling for 141 days.
Although it was briefly summarized in one line,Preparationwas not simple.During my leave of absence, for a little over half a year, I worked three jobs at onceI saved money. During weekdays I worked at a bank by day, at a café in the evenings, and on weekends as a babysitter... My body was so tired that I would fall asleep while eating lunch, but thinking about how I would soon be away quickly gave meenergy. In this wayEven though I worked hard, the reason I left with 3.5 million won was because, due to difficult family circumstances at the time, I had to give most of the money I earned to my family. HoweverI didn't want to give up on what I had dreamed of just because my funds were insufficient, so I set out with a small amount of money. ' 'If I run out of money, it'll come!'I left with that mindset.
My gap year story
"Actually, after I made the decisionbefore starting the gap year,everything was scary."
The fear of going on a trip aloneandusing a one-yearleave of absence for travel as something pathetic.Am I reallymaking the right choiceAm I? Would it be better to study for the TOEIC during this time?Maybe? I was worried right up until I left. To be exact,Even after I left, at first regarding my decisionI wasn't sure..
Everyone told me this:They would say, 'You? You'll be back in less than a month.' When I heard thatit made me stubborn, but when I actually went to the airport I was so scared that I sobbed for about three hours. My reflection in the window looked like a child with a huge backpack, not yet an adult. In the early days of my trip in India I was shaking so much I always carried a small pocketknife in my hand. Worrying like that while travelingI finally experienced the first incident. Actually there were many truly beautiful and moving moments during the trip, butit was the event that changed me for the first timethisincidentto talk aboutI want to.
"The feeling of standing alone in the world"
It was while staying in India's city that I love the most to this day'Blue City' where I was staying. The movie'Finding Kim Jong-wook', which featuresa famous scarf shop. I spent a long time looking aroundand while I was browsing an employee came up andtouched my shoulder in a way that made me uncomfortable. At that moment I didn't know how to react and I was scared, so I just said, 'What are you doing? Don't touch me,' and left the shop, but the more I thought about it the angrier I became. I felt that if I let it go, he would certainly do the same to other travelers.That night I prepared a bunch of insults in Hindi and English for the nextThe next morning, I went back to that shop.
But for someone like me who had never stood up for myself, confronting someone was really difficult. The words I'd prepared simply wouldn't come out of my throat. Tears almost came, but thinking that I would lose if I cried there, I told the owner with a determined look that an employee had touched me. Contrary to my expectation that he would apologize readily, he smiled and apologized half-heartedly. His insincere apology made my whole body tremble and I cried. I steeled myself. With a trembling heart, I shouted with all my sincerity, scolded him, and took a photo of the shop while saying I would write about what happened to me on the internet; only then did he offer a proper apology and beg for forgiveness. He tried to give me back the money for the item I had bought, and the employee also apologized saying he was truly sorry. I politely refused the returned money and left. My heart was pounding even as I walked out the door.
I felt like I was standing alone in the world. That feeling was frightening and scary, but now I could handle things on my own.I felt like an adult.I felt that now I could break down any wall in the world.I thought I had become quite brave andstarted traveling with more energy.
Me after the gap year
"I became certain about my dream."
In fact, before I left, I was more than anyone elsea practical personI was. When someone asked me about my dream, I would list the companies I would join from number one to seven. When I did, people would praise me, saying I was decisive, smart, and that it was impressive I already had a clear dream.
While resting by the Seine during my trip to Paris, a street painter asked if he could sit next to me, so I said yes. While talking about variousthings, I asked about dreams. When I asked the painter, 'What is your dream?' he looked at me with a puzzled expression. Pointing to Van Gogh's self-portrait hanging on the wall of the Musée d'Orsay across the way, I asked again: 'You know, a dream—becoming a famous painter like that one, or making money...'
The street painter's answer changed the direction of my life. He answered my question like this.
"I already have enough money to be happy. To buy you a meal, I just have to stand over there and sell one painting. And on that bridge where I paint, I'm the most famous. Everyone looks at my painting and smiles in bliss. Above all, I'm free. My dream is simplyto live my whole life keeping this same feeling."
After returning to Korea, someone asked me, 'Sinae, what's your dream?' I hadneverorganized it in my head, but the answer came out before I had time to sort it out.'My dream is to become a writer — to be able to be happy while writing like I am now.'
After taking a gap year,before I knew it,I had taken a step closer to a deeper version ofmyselfI felt like I was able to approach myself. Looking back, my old dreams were also related to writing, so I don't know why I used to make them look cool. The 141 days of experience, rather than making me mature, allowed me to get closer to my trueselfand made it possible to approachIt was a time. I took another leave of absence for the next projectbut I'm not afraid at all. I can't describe how excited I am by the feeling of getting closer to my true self one step at a time.
A message to young people planning a gap year
"I hope you find a dream that makes your heart flutter just thinking about it."
Since finding my real dream, I now start each morning with an overwhelming feeling. It's strange. In the past I thought my true dream was to overcome fierce job competition and get into a top company... The dreams I held then seemed vaguely cool but they didn't make my heart race.
'We desire the desire of the Other.'As Jacques Lacan said, we may be carrying fake dreams shaped by others' expectations rather than our true dreams. I hope you find that real dream that makes your heart swell just thinking about it. Take time — even just one year — to find the real you. I promise you won't regret this.
