30s, woman, adult.I have become.

I have become a woman in my thirties — something that, when I was young, I thought would never happen... (Congratulations!!) I love my current age. I'm not as anxious as I was in my twenties, I know myself a little better, and I'm still at an age with many opportunities. However, as with anyone, the concerns society places on women at this stage can feel heavier and more burdensome than expected.

Someone might think my worries are pointless, but we know how desperately important those worries are to the person experiencing them. So, deliberately as a woman in her thirties 'Women's worries that haunt them for a lifetime'I'm going to talk about it.

1. Concerns that feel more serious because you're a woman: relationships
* Here, 'relationships' includes everything such as romantic love, friendship, and family.

Women do tend to be more sensitive about relationships. From an evolutionary perspective, many scholarsgenerally say that women are more 'relationship-oriented'They say this originates from the idea that, since primitive times, men hunted animals or fish with superior spatial perception abilities, while women gathered fruits and crops relying on memory. Gathering required building communities and sharing ideas and information, so women inevitably developed the ability and sensitivity to form and maintain relationships. Perhaps because of that, women's concerns about relationships tend to feel somewhat persistent and detailed.

What a woman considers most important in a 'relationship' is 'one anotherbeing sufficiently connected and how much satisfaction they feel'That's why. So, even if a female friend agonizes and vents about her boyfriend's flaws, after exchanging plenty of affection with him the next day, the person who had harshly swore with her the day before becomes the biggest jerk. So, even if it's not always logical, if a woman feels satisfied in the relationship, she gains the strength and hope to keep the relationship going and move forward.

So,Empathize rather than trying to fix the problemThat's why the age-old advice works.


Well, concerns about building healthy relationships are truly important. We spend most of our lives meeting someone, doing things together, and sometimes parting ways. However,the point where problems arise iswhen you try to validate yourself excessively through relationships.For example, when you constantly check with others who you are and only feel relieved when others acknowledge you. When this happens, you make too many mistakes before properly examining your inner self or viewing the situation objectively.

Being overly conscious of others,
blaming yourself for the relationship's distortions,
investing in relationships so excessively that it overwhelms you,
being overly suspicious,
becoming too impatient in relationships,
unable to let go of a wrong relationship,
obsessing over a single person or one relationship...

In fact, the biggest victim of these mistakes is 'my heart,' which is why it's problematic. When depression, anxiety, frustration, sadness, and pain all hit at once, my heart crumbles like a cookie. We especially experience this in our early twenties, because at that time we are clumsy at forming and maintaining relationships and haven't yet established what we want from them. Through these failures we should listen more to the existence called 'me,' but seeing older sisters or friends who, having been so deeply hurt by those failures, firmly shut the door to their hearts after their twenties because they don't want to be hurt again, I can understand that feeling and sometimes it's sad. Of course, that's their life so I respect it, but as someone who tends to meddle,the potential we have to become richer through relationshipsI feel like they're shutting that down a bit...

But one thing we must address: will a good relationship now necessarily be good for life? Conversely, will a bad relationship now remain bad forever? Both are absolutely not. Absolutely not!! Whether you prefer a limited social circle or a broader one,creating healthy relationships is ultimately a lifelong endeavorAnd relationships are not just one thing but come in various forms, and even these change from time to time.

So closing off your heart doesn't solve it, and holding on tightly telling someone 'don't change' won't fix everything. Instead, more fiercely...What I should be thinking about in my relationshipsIt is.

'What kind of relationship I want,'
'What kind of relationship allows 'me' and the other person to grow,'
'How to create a relationship where I can be happy just as I am,'
'What makes 'me' feel uncomfortable...'

EspeciallyIf you feel like you're becoming too attached to a relationship, you should pause it for a while and look at it from a distance.无论是通过拉开身体上的距离、变得精神独立，还是借助其他方式。甚至有个后辈与父母关系不好，只是出国学习语言三个月、休了一年间隔年，关系就有所改善。在那段时间里，他能够更客观地思考关系中的问题，以及自己对这段关系的期待；这段经历也让他和父母都学会了彼此独立。

要针对关系问题提供详细的咨询，案例实在太多，哪怕通宵也讲不完。

那么，总结一下核心要点：务必留意你的人际关系“走向”就是这样！
人们在人际关系令人满足时最幸福。因此，我们应该感激此刻陪伴在身边的珍贵之人，建立各种各样的关系，并认真思考如何构建健康的人际关系。



2. 身为女性难以避免的烦恼：衰老

我读到一半就停了下来，感觉自己快喘不过气了。（这种感受我实在不想独自承受，所以也带来了，哈哈。）幸运的是，身边没有一个人会说我是老姑娘，父母也仍然告诉我，女人结婚会吃亏，应该晚点结婚。所以，这种本不该存在于世上的压力……写着写着，突然让我感到沮丧。

就我个人而言对女性来说，所有关于衰老的烦恼都始于“月经（例假）我觉得是从这里开始的。没错。因为所有烦恼都与子宫的作用密切相关。

我第一次来月经时，烦恼的是：“糟了，这该怎么开口说啊？”如今人们的观念已经改变了很多（也应该如此！！），但我小时候，胸部发育、来月经，与其说是值得庆幸的事，倒不如说是一种必须隐藏、暴露出来就会令人羞耻的女性特征。我一直担心自己会不会长成一个厚脸皮的成年女人，直到我终于能毫不避讳地说出“性”这个字。

等你到了可以坦然谈论女性特征的年纪，就会发现有许多问题都与子宫有关：月经推迟、痛经严重、避孕、经量过多或过少、不孕，甚至怀孕……如今你到了必须认真考虑子宫健康的年纪。此时，媒体和偏见将年轻漂亮（能够“生育”子女）的女性与无法生育的年长女性鲜明地对比起来……最终，围绕婚姻和怀孕的（年龄）压力，赋予了女性一种“作为女性的社会角色它让人害怕这种“作为女性的社会角色”可能会走到尽头。

随着年龄增长，你又会开始担心月经会不会停止。所谓的在我还处于生育年龄时，我曾希望每个月的月经快点停掉；但绝经（经期完全停止^*）当绝经临近时，我每个月都焦虑地等待，猜想着月经是不是真的要停了。我常听身边的人说起母亲们经历更年期抑郁的故事，因此也提前为母亲的更年期担忧。

^*如今，有时会把绝经称为月经的完成（经期的结束）。这可以被视为一种改变观念的做法，旨在让人们更积极地接纳绝经。

绝经（经期的完成）对女性来说，是一种“死亡”的体验。如果说过去女性害怕自己的社会角色被剥夺，那么绝经便成了一种生理上的“确认”，表明她们不再被视为女性。活着的时候就必须接受自己的身体正在衰亡，该是多么煎熬。在朴范信的小说《恩娇》中，描写了一名无法勃起的男人复杂的情绪。读到那一段时，我感受到了绝经（经期结束）女性的恐惧与孤独。当然，女性不会仅仅因为进入绝经期就不再是女性。只是身体的某项功能按照自然规律消失了；月经陪伴我们欢笑、哭泣了约三十年，要像自己所希望的那样平静地放手，实在很难。

所以，如果我有一个愿望，
我希望社会不要把女性的反应简单视为嫉妒年轻和美貌而产生的“老姑娘歇斯底里”，而应视其为一种本能地拒绝接受死亡的表现，并能以更具哲思的态度去接纳它。

而且
我们这些拥有女性身体的人必须预先思索生与死，并且
除了女性的生理功能之外，我们必须认识到，找到美好而真实的自我有多么重要。

懂得此刻有多么美好、做自己有多么快乐，是我们现在就能开始做的事。所以别再等待了——现在就开始寻找真实的自我吧。


3. 当今女性面临的问题：性别歧视
20世纪60年代，一股自由之风吹遍欧洲。这场被称为“68运动”的变革浪潮，是欧洲青年反抗旧秩序的一场运动。借由这场运动，此前无法发声的少数群体——女性、同性恋者和残障人士——获得了走入社会的机会。“68运动”在欧洲或许会被视为五十多年前的往事，但看到女性、同性恋者和残障人士的少数群体权利如今在我们的社会中受到讨论，我觉得在韩国，“68运动”才刚刚开始。

如果你问我为什么提起这件事，我是想谈谈性别歧视，但这是个非常难谈的话题，我很难开口。

先从我自己的故事说起……我从小就听人说每个人拥有的机会都是平等的。这是我成长过程中老师和大人们告诉我的。所以我以为只要努力，就会得到认可。但进入社会后，我发现机会并不像我想象的那么公平。

我曾在一家公共机构工作。那是一家规模大、历史悠久的机构，所以和其他地方一样，科长级以上的高管和负责人中，97%都是男性。（那已经是五年前的事了……不知道现在有没有好转？）不过，科长级及以下的员工中女性还挺多，因此我觉得这算是一家对女性比较友好的机构。然而，因为我是那里最年轻的女性，我不得不做一些男同事不用做的杂事——煮咖啡、复印、接待客人、公司聚餐时倒酒等等。即便如此，当时我甚至不知道这些也是性别歧视的表现。

有一次，一名男员工议论他不喜欢的一位女上司。令人震惊的是，他夹杂着恶劣的性骚扰言论，而被议论的人也听到了。当时，公司里那些资深人士（严格来说，是经理级及以上、拥有更明确职权和责任的人）的反应是“男人拿别人开黄色玩笑没关系，但不能羞辱上司！”他们就是这么反应的。可那位资深女员工流泪，更多是因为遭受性羞辱，而不是因为被人贬损。那是我第一次觉得自己生活的世界非常奇怪。后来有一天，一位男科长对一名想因怀孕而休假的女员工说“她要休假，可公司这么忙，我们连找人顶替她都做不到。”他是在说那名女员工自私。

啊，不管我工作做得多好，只要一怀孕，就会变成公司的叛徒……

按照那位经理的逻辑，要么为了拥有幸福的家庭而辞职，要么为了事业而不生孩子。说真的（叹气），想到女性竟然只能在幸福的家庭和成功的事业之间二选一，我就忍不住哽咽。他们可不会逼男人在幸福的家庭和成功的事业之间二选一！！

最近，网上出现了许多关于性别歧视和性骚扰的耸动文章……我的经历大概会被认为是非常普通（？）程度的性别歧视。我担心的是，无数没有被认作性别歧视的事件可能在我不知情的情况下发生过，而未来我也可能继续视而不见。

但好的一面是，情况确实在逐渐好转。厌女和性别歧视问题被大肆报道，说明我们正处于一个转型期。所以我们现在如何生活决定了十年或二十年后的生活会是什么样子。也就是说，我们必须记住，现在的生活真的、真的非常重要。

所以，如果有什么话是我特别想对所有女性（包括我自己）说的……

不要放弃作为女性自由地生活。
不要累倒。
继续向前走。
即使很艰难，也要重新站起来。

让我们更加相信，明天会更美好。事实上，20世纪90年代比70年代好，而今天难道不比90年代更好吗？我们承继前人的成果，享受当下；而通过我们的努力，女儿们和下一代就能作为女性，过上令自己自豪的生活。

“人生没有唯一的正确答案～你现在过的生活，就是正确的答案～”
每当我抱怨生活艰难时，妈妈总会对我说这句话。因为现在的我，是经过自己认真思考和反复斟酌后的结果，也是最适合我的生活方式，所以她的意思是让我欣然接纳自己。当然，这大概也包含了要同样尊重和鼓励他人生活方式的劝告。

所以，所有读到这里的人希望你们面对任何烦恼时，都不要太害怕，不要犹豫，要自信地相信自己的选择，并且好好爱自己。这就是我最后想说的话！