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#Grew braver in unfamiliar places and stayed true to my instincts #Achieved my goal of 'a trip for myself' #The best splurge of my life
"It was so good I wonder why I worried for so long. After returning home I was often asked, ''How was Paris?'' Each time, without hesitation, I answer that it was the biggest splurge of my life. It was a short but long gap year. I definitely want to go back to that regular spot I made in a strange place."
-Bonjour! One month living in Paris, France Shin YujeongGap-year tribe Gapper/ 30 years old, gap year after quitting job / 30 daysBrief participation
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# Of Me, By Me, For Me
I began my thirties feeling both familiar and unclear. It was different from the start of my twenties, when freedom poured in. Watching acquaintances wander as they entered their thirties, I worried. How should I welcome it? More precisely, how should I rest?
I had never properly rested before. Not knowing how to play, I was always doing something. I built my credentials during the week and worked part-time on weekends. Thanks to that my résumé was full, but I always felt empty. I spent my twenties 2% short. Then, before I realized it, I was 29.I felt sorry for myself—I had no future to move toward and no memories to look back on.
Europe had actually been my long-standing dream. A harder, more beautiful dream because I didn''t know it well. A dream that collapsed every time I tried to go. Maybe because that kept happening, I wanted to go even more. I don''t even remember why I wanted to go at first. I regretted it countless times whenever I watched European travel shows.
ButI was holding on to a lot. So I couldn''t grasp anything new. It took me nine years to realize that.I thought I might never go if things continued like that. Then the opportunity came. Actually, I could have gone a year earlier. But even at 28 I was as scared as an 18-year-old. After filling nine years with worry, I finally went.
As with every beginning, there were many mountains to climb. Even though it was my life, I couldn''t decide alone. I had to persuade the people around me. I could have just left. Still, I didn''t want to go like that. I wanted to go when the people close to me felt the same way I did.
I also had to quit my company. I hesitated because I had started my working life with difficulty. Then I adopted that silly philosophy: you have to empty to be able to fill. It took three months to get there—just the exact amount of time it would take for a bear to become a person. From then on I felt determined. I thought I absolutely had to go and make it a good trip.
# That I am someone who becomes brave in unfamiliar places,
Paris is not a city for soft, timid people. It''s a place where tsundere types live under the stigma of being unfriendly.It is a place where many small transgressions gather and become everyday life. At least it was for me. Several times a day it would suddenly rain.
The sun could be shining 500 meters ahead while it rained over my head. Even if I wanted to use an umbrella, I had to act cool and endure it. For the safety of my wallet I had to pretend I wasn''t a tourist. Sometimes I acted that well and was mistaken for a gypsy. The elderly woman next to me tightened her bag when she looked at me. On days I walked unpaved roads, I looked awful. Still, unlike usual, I wasn''t angry. I just kept going, dirty as I was.
Paris was definitely a city of smells.On the subway there was a clammy, stale smell. After showering, the towel smelled faintly of fishy limescale. Walking through the city there were all kinds of perfume scents. Passing a café would bring a strong espresso aroma. Around every corner you could smell banana Nutella crepes.
In the first week I kept widening my eyes because everything was so novel. In the second week I got used to it and could predict them five seconds ahead. By the third week I even missed those smells while in Spain—even though they aren''t smells at all like those in my country. In the last week, those smells seemed to be on me.
I walked every single day. At least 15,000 steps, at most 30,000. If I found a place I liked while walking, I went in. If I was tired, I stopped; if I wanted to go, I walked. Sometimes I had companions for a while. Then before I knew it I was alone. When alone, I actually met more people.
I asked myself a lot of questions. Is this place good right now? Is the food I''m eating tasty?When I was in a good mood I sang in Korean. When I was angry I muttered crude swears to myself. Things I would never have done in Korea. I lived that month true to my instincts.
I tried many new things. The bread I ate in Paris wasn''t the taste I knew. The beer was the same. I searched out many foods that you only eat in that country.I studied French to eat better. Pomme, banane, boeuf, poulet, thon, saumon, fromage. I took photos of foods that were hard to pronounce.
Then I realized: I''m the kind of person who becomes brave in unfamiliar places. I ate many foods I wouldn''t even touch in Korea. And sometimes I came back early to the guesthouse and ate Korean food. I had been living with reflux esophagitis, but for a month my stomach was comfortable.
# Paris, a place I can call ''the biggest splurge of my life'' without a moment''s hesitation
Of course there were a few crises. I wanted to go back to Korea immediately.Once, Paris suddenly felt so unfamiliar that I cried on the street. On days like that I ended the day early.I finished just the one planned activity and returned to my accommodation. By about the second week of my gap year, even that didn''t comfort me.
One day my schedule was messed up from the morning. I barely made it to the science museum I had planned to visit that day. I rode a long escalator and reached the entrance when a French mother called me from the other side. It was in French, but from the context it seemed she wanted me to take the child standing next to me down. I held the frightened child''s hand and got on the escalator. Until just before then I hadn''t been okay myself, but I asked the child in English if they were alright. It was a brief moment, but the child''s warm body heat actually became a great comfort to me. The child''s mother kept thanking me, but in truth I was the one who was more grateful. If that hadn''t happened, I wouldn''t have known how lonely I had been.
I spent the last week with my boyfriend. My boyfriend, who hadn''t quit his job, took a week off. It was definitely a mountain to get over before I came, but once the gap year began he was my most solid support. It''s always nice to meet another Korean in a foreign place. I was indescribably grateful that he took a 12-hour flight just to see me. Thanks to him, I spent the last week truly not lonely, not just convincing myself otherwise.
There were many other fun things too. I almost wanted to cancel my return ticket.It was so good that I wondered why I had worried for so long. After returning I was often asked, ''How was Paris?'' Every time, without a moment''s hesitation, ''the biggest splurge of my life''I would answer that it was. It was a short but long gap year. I really want to go back to that favorite spot I found in that unfamiliar place.
