"It made me realize that relationships between people are always horizontal and equal, and while receiving much more love than I expected, I''m trying little by little to resemble the children''s purity that lets them give their hearts without calculating, ''what if this person doesn''t like me as much as I like them?''" [Extracurricular/Overseas Volunteer Work] Recharging Warm Love with Children in Hanoi, Vietnam Park Sejin — gapper (21, taking a gap year before university) / 4-week gap year |
# I didn''t like children, but decided to try volunteering with them during my gap year
I am now taking a one-year gap year before going to university I am Park Sejin. And this project was my second gap-year project. Honestly, I didn''t really like children. I might be fine seeing them briefly on the street, but the thought of taking care of children exhausted me. However, during my gap year, I somehow wanted to try volunteering to care for children.
I felt that I had grown up receiving advantages and a good education, so I wanted to help children who had received fewer benefits even a little. Among the projects recommended to me during gap-year counseling was this one in Hanoi.
# I was deeply moved that the children gave love unconditionally
What really surprised me was — maybe an arrogant thought, but before coming here I believed I was going to give to the children. But once I went and played with them and taught them, what I gained from these children was that I was receiving more than I was giving. It may sound clichéd, but it was true.
There were children so bright and radiant that I wondered if I had been like that too and retraced my own childhood, and there were children who, despite being young, were so independent that they tried things before I could help. Some were more than ten years younger than me but still had things to teach me. It made me think that all relationships are horizontal regardless of age or status.
I came to think that there is no relationship where one side can unilaterally give or teach.Personally, I don''t think I ever taught the children from a position of being better or superior to them. I actually relearned many things I had forgotten.
In a similar vein, when I traveled alone to Ha Long Bay, I became close with some retired American grandmothers on the cruise, and I felt that they treated me, much younger, as an equal. That was really nice. It was such a surprising experience.It was astonishing, yet comforting and warm, to be in relationships on an equal footing with both children much younger than me and grandmothers who seemed older than my own grandparents.
And above all, it was so moving that the children truly gave love unconditionally.Actually, I thought the children might be somewhat defensive towards me. Since volunteers come and go constantly, I thought they might be tired of forming attachments.
But there were kids who threw themselves into my arms from the start, and the children were always kind and smiled brightly. Could I leave these kids behind? As I grew closer to them, that thought grew and it became hard.They would smile just at eye contact, shout "Teacher!" when I passed by and greet me, hug me, hold my hand, and give kisses.
At first, a few children who were shy wouldn''t respond no matter how much I talked to them or smiled, but when they gradually opened up to me, smiled, approached, and hugged me, it was truly moving. By the end, each day felt so precious. Even now, when I look at the kids'' photos and videos, I miss them so much.
I especially enjoyed having birthday parties with the children. There were back-to-back birthdays for two days, so we kept having parties and that is what I remember most. I also remember watching movies or Korean dramas and playing games with other foreign volunteers at the accommodation.
# For the first time, I thought it was fortunate even though I felt I wasn''t someone''s first priority
And For the first time I felt it was okay if the amount of affection I gave wasn''t equal to the amount I received.I''m the eldest at home, and like most children with siblings, growing up you sometimes have the childish thought ''Mom and Dad like that one more'' regardless of your parents'' intentions. Because there''s not much age gap with my younger sibling, I often grew up feeling that way regardless of my parents'' true feelings. Even if you ''know'' that''s not the case, once you ''feel'' hurt, knowing doesn''t help much.
Maybe because of that, whether in friendships or other relationships, when I felt I wasn''t the first for someone I liked, I would get really hurt. But a few days before I came back to Korea, two new older girls arrived and the children took to them from the first day. Normally shy children and most kids attached more to me since they''d known me longer, but a few played more and joked around with those older girls. It would be a lie to say I wasn''t at all upset, but,For almost the first time in my life, I thought it was a relief that I wasn''t someone''s number one.
Right now it''s only a few, but after I leave everyone will likely take to those older girls even more, and though that might seem ridiculously childish, I would have been very upset before. This time, however, I felt relieved thinking, ''If that''s the case, even if I go, these kids won''t be very upset and they''ll go to kindergarten fine.'' Seeing that such feelings arose naturally surprised me. It was a change I hadn''t expected.
Of course, this one-month experience didn''t make me completely let go — I still worry about others and am conscious of other people''s feelings — but I think I can now think about things a little more comfortably. It still bothers me that I couldn''t give every child as much love as they gave me, but just as things didn''t go the way I wanted, some children may have liked me less than the amount of affection I gave. I came to think that that''s not necessarily something that has to hurt or make me upset.
I also felt foolish for weighing the affection I gave against the feelings I received and being upset about it, and seeing children who don''t measure things at all made me think there''s no point in that. What matters is just that the people I care about live happily and joyfully.
# ''Don''t be swayed by others'' judgments, do what you want to do''
I also learned a lot from other people I met here.I''m a very timid person. Even though I''m so fearful, I''m actually taking a somewhat different path from others. My chosen major, studying abroad, taking a gap year — because these aren''t very common paths, sometimes when I look at my friends I suddenly get scared.
Should I have just taken a more ordinary path like these kids? What if, whenever I''m asked where and what I''m studying, I could give the name of a familiar Korean university instead of the unfamiliar foreign one, or chosen a more commonly selected major, or at least already been enrolled in university — what would that have been like? Maybe that would have been the better path?
But talking with a Korean older sister I met in Vietnam gave me more courage. I''m always anxious about the choices I''ve made, but she was the type to always take responsibility for her choices and push them forward. That seemed really cool, and I envied her courage to fully commit to what she wanted to do.Her words, ''Do what you want to do. Don''t be too shaken by others'' evaluations,'' felt really encouraging.
And one thing that was really surprising in Vietnam was that, although it was Vietnam, many of the people I met were from Europe. Unlike in Singapore, there were also many other volunteers and many occasions to spend time with them, so there were times when we were surprised by each other''s different cultures.
Especially when things that are familiar to me were not for these sisters, and things unfamiliar to me were completely normal for them. For example, one sister had an upset stomach and ate only bread three meals a day, but when I have an upset stomach I don''t touch flour. Yet for someone from a country where bread is a staple, that could be normal — I found that really fascinating. It felt like being hit in the head. It''s nothing dramatic, but I was surprised that what I believed to be ''common sense'' can actually vary by culture!
Such When unfamiliar aspects to each other turned into apologies or surprises, it felt like a fascinating cultural exchange, and some parts gave me courage.I''m talking about situations like I mentioned earlier. In Korea, whenever I met someone and they asked which university I go to or what my major is, I had to explain so much—from my university to the reason I''m taking a gap year—and most people regarded those things as strange. Many even forgot and asked again.
But many people I met in Vietnam didn''t question my choices. Among the sisters from Denmark there was someone taking her second gap year, and some told me gap years are common in Denmark. I met someone taking a gap year before entering university like me, and others volunteering here regardless of their major like me. I met sisters who had just graduated from the university I''m going to, and someone who had thought about going to that university. To them, my university, my major, and my situation were all normal and not unfamiliar.
Actually, aside from my family and teachers, most people around me found my situation puzzling. In Singapore I hardly had opportunities to meet people my age. That puzzlement contained worries about whether it was a waste of time and the pity that I was suffering and spending money, and dealing with those looks made me anxious too.
However Seeing the people I met in Vietnam made me feel that my choice is a perfectly reasonable one, and it gave me a lot of courage. Maybe that means I still care about what others think, but it was reassuring to know I''m not the only one making this kind of slower choice.
# A dreamlike time in Vietnam — I''m glad I took a break!
This got very long, but the time in Vietnam was truly like a dream. Looking back, even more so.It made me realize that relationships between people are always horizontal and equal, and while receiving much more love than expected, I''m trying little by little to resemble the children''s purity of giving their hearts without the calculation of ''What if this person doesn''t like me as much as I like them?''
It was also a time that reassured me I''m not alone. It definitely made me feel that taking a break was the right choice.☺
# My personal gap year tip
(Directions)
It was nice that someone came to pick us up.However, the visa process took longer than expected, so it took time until we met the driver who came out, so you should take that into account.
(Language)
Vietnamese people are not very good at English. It was almost impossible to communicate in English with Vietnamese people except for the accommodation staff. Since you need to use English with other volunteers at the accommodation, it''s good to be proficient in English, but for daily life and other aspects, knowing Vietnamese would make things easier than English.
(Accommodation)
The accommodation wasn''t particularly uncomfortable. However, depending on the room, up to ten people might share the same room, so it''s a bit unfortunate that there''s no space to be alone. I was glad that a lounge was newly created while I was there! There is a space where everyone can gather and hang out.
And be sure to bring slippers. You have to take off your shoes inside the accommodation, and walking barefoot really made my feet get really dirty.
(Meals)
The meals were generally delicious. However, they don''t provide a lot of fruit, so if you like fruit it''s a good idea to buy some at the market or supermarket ☺
(What to bring)
I really felt very uncomfortable at first without slippers, so I ended up buying some! I debated about my laptop but left it behind, and I''m glad I did. If you don''t have anything you absolutely need to do on a laptop, it''s just extra luggage. It''s a valuable item so you worry about it anyway, so it''s better not to bring it unless necessary.
Wet wipes were available and convenient. What was troublesome were clothes you couldn''t wear. When going to the kindergarten you couldn''t wear short skirts or shorts, and sleeveless tops weren''t allowed either. Also, since you''re constantly holding kids who tug at your clothes, and food often gets dropped on your clothes while feeding them, you tend not to wear flowy or somewhat expensive clothes. Bring only a few of those nicer outfits for weekends or going out, and have mostly comfortable, throwaway clothes you don''t mind getting messy. In the end I bought a few such ''throwaway'' clothes haha.
Definitely be sure to bring slippers, and pack mostly comfortable clothes! It would also be really, really good to plan in advance so you can bring supplies for a wider variety of activities with the kids.
My gap year
Experience ★★★★★
First of all, I really loved the children. Spending time with the kids and spending time with other volunteers was a truly great experience.
Learning ★★★★★
Meeting a variety of people was a great learning opportunity, and there were things I could learn from the young children as well!
Environment ★★★★☆
There wasn''t anything particularly inconvenient, but since many people share the bathroom, it wasn''t always comfortable. It seems to depend somewhat on who you''re sharing with. The roommates who were there at first kept things neat, but the people who came about two days before I left for Korea messed up the room a lot, which was a bit difficult.
Safety ★★★☆☆
There are so many motorbikes that crossing the street is a bit nerve-wracking. Motorbikes are really convenient and a decent means of transport, but I had a small accident once. There are many really nice people, but occasionally some people try to scam you or overcharge you; some have even taken all your money when you''re flustered and casually pocketed a few bills.
But if you''re careful, it''s generally okay! (Maybe I was just not very streetwise!) In any case, the public safety seemed fine. I heard it''s safer than other Southeast Asian countries, so we would go out at night as long as we were with company.
Leisure ★★★★★
Four and a half stars. I took off half a star because places outside Hanoi were nicer than Hanoi itself haha. Sightseeing in Hanoi didn''t cost much—going to various good restaurants, visiting museums, and the night market—it''s fine to spend a weekend or so doing that. But honestly I think it was better to travel outside Hanoi! I went to Ha Long Bay, Da Nang, and Hoi An, and I loved all of them!
