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When I was in college, I once met a senior who could speak English fluently with foreigners without hesitation. It was impressive that he effortlessly spoke English with an American accent, but above all, watching him express his opinions in English and stand up to foreigners who ignored or mocked us without backing down was genuinely cool.
I, who had a fear of English and of foreigners, followed that senior around and kept asking how I could become that good at English, and his answer was "one year as an au pair in the United States."
Round-trip airfare provided, a private room provided, meals provided, a car provided, language school classes provided, a mobile phone and phone bill covered, an allowance provided, and on top of that you get another second family abroad!!!
But I ultimately did not go as an au pair, and ten years passed. Recently I heard the term "demipair" and remembered the intense deliberations of my youth, so I searched without much thought. The internet, which had once been full of realistic experiences and advice, had somehow become filled with ads listing only their advantages saying "It's absolutely great! You can do it too."
So I have compiled things you must read before participating in au pair and demipair programs!! I wrote this using all the information and knowledge I gathered (including the reasons I ultimately did not choose to be an au pair!), and I hope people who are interested in au pair and demipair or who are hesitating about participating after doing some research will read it.
PART 1. Au pair/demipair, which supposedly lets you live abroad for free — what exactly are they?
The au pair program began in the United States in 1989 with the purpose of cultural exchange. In the U.S., where dual-income and single-parent households are common, it addresses childcare needs, and participants get to experience life abroad and learn English without worrying about money!! On paper, it is truly a perfect system. Of course, only on paper!!!
In reality, parents pay the money and naturally worry about entrusting their child to someone else. Also, from the participants' point of view, how self-conscious would they feel taking care of someone else's children in another person's home.
Nevertheless, the reason au pair/demipair programs have not disappeared and continue is that they offer many irresistible attractive advantages, and the reason they are not mainstream despite these advantages is that they also have many drawbacks!!
But actually, au pair/demi-pair situations involve countless variables—by country, host family, the children, the participant’s personality, etc.—so it’s very difficult to clearly define pros and cons.
So first, let's identify who is suited for au pair/demi-pair, and then discuss them in more detail!
PART 2. Au pair/Demi-pair — recommended for these people!
A highly subjective list of recommended candidates.But these are common traits of participants who succeeded as au pairs/demi-pairs, so don’t ignore them!
If five or more items apply to you in the checklists below, you are a recommended candidate!
Au pair:
- You truly, truly, truly love children and have direct caregiving experience.
- You can live and get by in English in everyday life without difficulty.
- You are less sensitive to social cues than others; people often call you tactless.
- You feel compelled to say what you need to say in any situation; you can’t leave things unsaid.
- You want to live abroad for a long time but are concerned about the cost.
- You have the time to wait until you find the host family you want,
- If the family you want doesn’t appear, it’s okay if you choose not to become an au pair.
- You believe you can bravely handle and resolve any hardship or adversity on your own.
Demi-pair:
- You want to learn English abroad but long-term language study is too expensive.
- You like children and have direct caregiving experience.
- You’re still a bit scared of going abroad. You’d like someone to rely on if a problem arises.
- When living in a stranger’s foreign home, above all you want your safety to be guaranteed.
- You are less sensitive to social cues than others; people often call you tactless.
- You want to study English and play with children at the same time! You’re usually more energetic and active than others.
- You can use English well enough for basic everyday conversation.
For au pairs:Think of it as similar to a working holiday. The main differences are that your accommodation and job are arranged before you leave, and you can earn much less money. Because the au pair program was originally intended for cultural exchange, the biggest barrier is that you need sufficient English ability to live with a foreign family.
In the case of a demi-pairBecause it is done together with language classes, the required English level is lower than for an au pair, and language schools or professional agencies carefully review and select host families for matching, so it is much safer. Also, there is a person who acts as an intermediary to resolve issues, so there is relatively less stress.
If your reason for wanting to live abroad is to earn a lot of money and travel freely, a working holiday would be more suitable; if your goal is to improve your English skills, although the initial cost is much higher, language study abroad is better.
So,A subjective summary of 'Working Holiday / Au Pair / Demi-pair / Language Study Abroad'I will try to
What your goals are, what you want to gain from this, or what you might lose from it.
So in the end, I hope you seriously think about and consider which program you actually need.
PART 3. Things you must know when doing an au pair/demi-pair!
1. Host family
Because you're living with them, success seems to depend on the kind of host family you encounter.
There are more cases than you can imagine: you might go to a family advertised as dual-income, but they actually work from home so you spent your time on edge and even tended to the couple; you might go to a single Black mother household where, since the mother was supporting the family alone, your working hours increased and you ended up looking after the children continuously on weekdays and weekends; and there are even cases where accommodation was promised but a single man raising the children offered to give you the space next to his bed — such stories abound.
Of course, if you meet good hosts, it's a program with many advantages where you can live like family, engage in cultural exchange, and gain overseas experience. Because of the party-filled nature of some foreign cultures, you can participate in various family parties or trips to directly experience the culture of foreign households, swim with the children in a spacious house with a pool and run around the yard to relax, and even join children's talent shows or sports days as a guardian for a unique experience! These are authentic local-life experiences that are hard to get unless you're really an au pair or demi-pair, so I think you can learn far more than on a regular trip or working holiday.
Moreover, for example, if you stayed in Canada for 24 weeks (homestay / single private room / three meals provided)
you can save about 5.2 million won in accommodation and meal costs, so you save money and learn culture — where else is a better opportunity than this!!
Therefore we must meet good hosts!! Before matching, carefully check the host family's temperament and family environment, and get to know the family well through emails or Skype interviews before matching! In particular, places where au pairs have changed frequently in a short period or are urgently looking for an au pair should be taken very seriously.
2. Children
There are also child-related problems, such as going to a family with five children supposedly being cared for alongside the mother, only to find the youngest was a newborn and the mother only cared for the baby while you ended up looking after the other four children; or rushing into a home with a sixth-grade boy but being kicked out after a month because of puberty and the child's rebellious behavior.
Especially for boys, the physical exertion will be much greater; for younger children, you must be more careful and provide more attentive care; and having to look after a large number of children... doesn't that sound like no easy task just from hearing it? So seriously consider what kind of children and how many you can handle.
The senior I mentioned who did an au pair in the U.S. for a year had a mother who ran a daycare so she was already used to caring for children, and the host family was Chinese-American so there was no resistance to Asians; furthermore, the children were just starting to speak, so she felt like they could study English together. (What could be a more perfect set of conditions!)
If you have experience caring for children and understand your compatibility with them, and you go to a family with children who suit you, then through time spent together you can regain your lost childhood innocence, build responsibility, enjoy playing and laughing with the kids, and receive their pure affection.
The sight of children who show affection whenever they see you, write crooked little letters, and always run up smiling to hug you — just imagining it makes me so happy!!!!
3. Duties
If the host family has a separate housekeeper, you only have to take care of the children. However, if there is no housekeeper, you may have to look after the children and also handle household chores related to the children. (Having a housekeeper isn't necessarily always better. In some cases there are many children to care for or children who require a lot of attention, so just taking care of the children can already be a heavy load, which is why a separate housekeeper may be present.)
When childcare and housework are combined, in principle you should only do household chores related to the children. However, duties can vary slightly by household, so responsibilities should be clearly arranged in advance, and if it's not a task assigned to you
you should clearly state this and refuse/decline.
In Korean sentiment, when people see someone working they often feel they should help and try to pitch in even with small tasks, but abroad people might think, "Oh, this person likes doing housework!" and may, from their perspective, continue to ask you to do more. These situations often arise from cultural differences, so practice refusing! To them, refusal might not be rude but rather normal!
4. Additional things to check
Requirements will vary by country and host. For hosts living in outlying areas, a driver's license may be essential because of children's school commutes, and homes with a pool may require swimming ability or skills to handle emergency situations. Also, because you will often need to prepare meals for the children yourself, they will frequently ask about what dishes you can cook and your cooking skills.
Actually, hosts also hope to avoid mismatches as much as we do. There's definitely a reason hosts keep mentioning these conditions!! So instead of thinking "If I'm matched I'll do anything!!", be cool-headed and honestly evaluate yourself objectively!! Don't only consider the conditions that satisfy you; carefully check whether you meet the conditions the host requires to reduce the likelihood of a mismatch.
It's recommended to thoroughly research au pairs/demi-pairs in your desired country on Google, and to include negative search terms like "Aupair bad/too much/problem".Do this. In fact, if you search "Aupair bad experience" on YouTube, about 8,500 videos are uploaded where people lay out their experiences in detail, so be sure to look them up at least once! You'll come face to face with a harsh reality.....!
That doesn't mean I'm completely against au pair/demi-pair. Still, you should know about some of the worst-case scenarios so you can avoid stepping in it while abroad. And even if the worst happens, you'll recognize "Oh, this is the mess I've stepped in" and make a Plan B.
Actually, I wanted to learn English and live abroad, and I didn't dislike children, but most importantly I had no money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I considered becoming an au pair, but in the end I didn't participate because, although I didn't dislike children, I didn't particularly like them either. After reading many reviews, I suddenly realized that I literally like watching over children, not actually taking care of them!!!
I also thought going abroad would cure my fear of English and that my English would improve rapidly, but I learned that the people who succeed as au pairs/demi-pairs are basically people who are already good at English. On top of that, I have a fear of foreigners, and having to live together while being constantly mindful of them!!!!!! Isn't that the worst condition for me? Of course, I wasn't in a situation where I absolutely needed English enough to overcome all of this. At the time I blamed my lack of courage, but looking back now it was a wise choice. The system was clearly not suitable for me.
So in conclusion, what I want to say is,
Don't follow others just because they say it's good; don't be seduced by only the positives and ignore reality; properly assess your current situation and carefully examine the pros and cons of each program!And give yourself mental space and take at least about six months to calmly prepare before choosing a host family! Then you'll surely gain a successful experience and priceless memories that money can't compare to! ;)
ByEditorNeighborhood Sister
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