It wasn't a strict atmosphere — just coworkers you greeted every day, people who, when the weather was nice, would simply go outside to enjoy it. Being in that environment...For someone like me who had an obsessive feeling that I had to be doing something every day if I stayed still, it gradually taught me what true leisure was.
- The Gray Person: Filling Vibrant Colors Through a Gap Year / Choi Hyunsoo, Gapper |
65th Gap Year Tribe GapperChoi Hyunsoo
The Gray Person: Filling Diverse Colors Through a Gap Year.
# A university diploma aligned with society's alarm clock isn't something you need right away.
When choosing liberal arts or sciences in high school, I followed my friends; when entering university, my major was chosen by my parents.I was only called Choi Hyunsoo in name; having gone along without making my own choices, before I knew it I had become an adult, a university student who had to take responsibility for my actions.
Like a gray person with no personal color, who in fact couldn't do anything on my own.At that point—feeling a gap and stress—at age 20 I endured a terrible first year of university with a gastric ulcer, with military enlistment approaching.
I decided.
'I'll fill the unavoidable 21 months entirely on my terms and live as myself.'
Thus began the first step to get to know myself: 'notes'.Whenever I had a spare moment, whenever thoughts brushed through my head, whenever I felt something...I recorded those moments and incessantly wrote down what I felt.
Not stopping there, with the thought that output requires input, I started 'reading'.For each book I read, I also wrote book reports by noting memorable passages, my impressions, and overall evaluations.Thanks to that, over 21 months I read 156 books; three book-report notebooks and five handwritten notebooks were filled.It felt like the unique color of me, Choi Hyunsoo, which had been missing inside me, was starting to be filled.
Having vicariously experienced the world through books, I began to want to go out into the real world to visit the places in those books and have the experiences myself, so I planned a trip after being discharged from the military.Then, after my first-ever roughly two-month backpacking trip through China and Europe—which I had prepared entirely while in the military—I was able to return to school with my own identity, unlike in my freshman year.
Second year, first semester: one of the handwritten goals I set in the military was 'get a scholarship'.To achieve that goal, I approached my studies voluntarily, without anyone telling me to.When I finished the semester well, I received a scholarship and gained great confidence, thinking, "I, too, can do what I want to do."
During summer break, while others prepared for TOEIC or certifications, I rewarded myself by using the scholarship to travel around Taiwan for about three weeks.After filling myself up like that, the second semester arrived. Since I had earned credits in the first semester, I thought I would build my resume in the second semester through on-campus and off-campus activities.I filled my schedule to the brim every day, and naturally, living according to such an overloaded timetable exhausted my body, and my academic grades also showed poor results.
Maybe it was because I was stressed about not being able to fully concentrate on either my studies or my campus and external activities.As if my body was angry that I wasn't living as myself, it signaled problems like gastroenteritis and gastritis, just as it had in my first year.When I felt I was losing myself again, I made a resolution.
I cannot live a life that is not truly mine again; a university diploma aligned with society's schedule isn't something I need right now.
"Instead of focusing on my major or building credentials, I'll broaden my horizons through real-world experiences and study what I want — I'll live as Choi Hyun-su who shines vibrantly."
# If you have the will, it may not cost as much as you think.
When preparing for a gap year, people tend to think it requires larger expenses than usual.But such a lump sum won't magically appear out of nowhere.The bank account my parents set up when I was in elementary school to teach me to manage my allowance.Thanks to that, from then on I developed a sense of financial awareness, saving small amounts like 100 or 1,000 won.
Even during the semester I worked weekend part-time jobs, and during vacations I sometimes worked early-morning shifts at a factory to earn more in a short time. This habit of saving and being frugal continued through the military, and I slowly saved even the modest military pay.
However, after several trips, the money I had saved was almost gone.In the end, I asked my parents for help—no, I tried to negotiate with them.
"If I return after taking a leave, I'll receive a scholarship like I did in my second year, and I'll pay my tuition myself and attend school. Please lend me just enough for one semester's tuition.
Then did I squander that money? Would people just say, 'In the end, they got it from their parents'?
This isn't money—it's my parents' retirement savings.Thinking I must spend as little as possible, before departing I read books about Canada at the library, even went to consulting services, and of course collected information about Canada from online forums and blogs.I also researched the certifications and requirements needed to work there.
Maybe because of that, as soon as I arrived I obtained a qualification that could be used at workplaces and within a week I was able to get a job at a hotel that provided room and board.
If you have the will, it may not cost as much as you think.
It's important to be prepared for unexpected situations, but instead of obsessing over your bank balance and delaying your gap year, it might have been better to focus on what I could do. I sometimes wish I hadn't been so fixated.
And! The money I received from my parents is still sitting in the account intact.
# Once I started making excuses, there was no end to it.
Actually, taking a leave of absence itself was a tough and difficult decision for me.During a meeting with the department professor who had been supporting me,They criticized me saying, "You'll be the prime culprit in wasting foreign currency, and you won't gain either your major or English."
Was that all? Female classmates heading into the field as graduation approached, male classmates busy preparing for certifications, seniors saying I'd fall behind in experience for higher-level certifications later, the looks from relatives and acquaintances, societal pressure,Once I started making excuses, there was no end to it.
Before leaving, I couldn't help but measure time and value — worries like "Am I falling behind compared to others?"
But, do you remember the anxieties or worries from last year? Or even the worries and anxieties from last week?I decided to face them, thinking that worries and anxieties wouldn't even be remembered once they passed.
So was it because I was afraid to do something I could have simply done alone and secretly? Like when I used to leave the TV on at home as a child, I went around telling people and even asked my professor for a meeting.
"I'm going to do this!"
I think going around saying that eased my worries.Thanks to that, there's one thing I learned for sure through experience.
' 'If you want to do something, tell the people around you' — the power of language is stronger than you'd think.
That power, of sharing worries and facing them, will before you know it keep your mind from even dwelling on fear.
# During my time in Canada, I could feel a positive virtuous cycle take place as my mindset changed.
Looking back, I often say that my decision to do a Canada working holiday 'started in the military.'
Thanks to the 21 months I spent trying to live more like myself, reading travel-related books became the starting point.The foreign trips I took after discharge — through such experiences I felt the need for real-world experience.I left to quench that thirst, and Canada turned out to be an opportunity, a respite, and an oasis for me.
Right after arriving, while preparing for job hunting, I obtained the required qualifications and prepared for an interview overnight; because of that I was able to start working immediately at the TripAdvisor #1 hotel, which provided room and board.I gained confidence that I could survive even in a place where my native language wasn't spoken.
In Korea people would call me 'half fifty' and treat me like an uncle who'd done military service, but here, at 24, they call you 'Baby, Super Young.'I heard people say I could do anything.
I took various classes offered by local programs and participated in all the activities.I joined English classes, cooking classes, unfamiliar Zumba, ran hidden trail courses, and even joined gatherings like skating on a world-renowned lake.
It wasn't a strict atmosphere; staff greeted each other daily, and if the weather was nice people would just go outside and enjoy it — being in that environment...For someone who had the compulsion to feel like I had to be doing something every day if I stayed still, it gradually taught me what real relaxation is.
After spending six short but long months in Banff, even though I received a letter of recommendation and had the opportunity to work at a global hotel chain, I set off on about a two-month road trip across the U.S. West Coast thinking I had come not to build my resume but for myself.
Having a pause within a pause made my heart and perspective absorb experiences more deeply, I suppose.When I went up to Western Canada, met friends from work who had returned to school and home, and stopped by Vancouver and Victoria—the starting points of Canada—the worries I had vanished and only good memories remained.
Even during this process you can't know how things will unfold in the future, but if the outcome is good...Those confused, anxious times will also look bright.
After working six months and finishing a two-month trip, there were concerns from people around me that with little time left on my visa it would be hard to find a job, but I didn't worry; I believed it depended on me.And, as it turned out, on the very day I returned to Banff—the place where I had worked before—I was able to get a job.
My time in Canada felt like a period where a change in mindset created a positive virtuous cycle.
I also envision the remaining time ahead positively.
# Even things that seem impossible might work out if you knock
Being able to find work on my own as soon as I arrived; having my photo published in the Banff local newspaper; having photos I took in Canada displayed at the COEX exhibition; winning a Korean contest with working-holiday materials; running a full marathon; becoming a Ministry of Foreign Affairs working-holiday correspondent; traveling with friends,I filled my days with joy; listing them all would seem endless.
There are so many happy memories, but...There is one experience that left a particularly strong impression on me.
It happened during the U.S. West Coast road trip.Since the itinerary wasn't fixed, we traveled along the coastal road without any accommodation reservations.We were sightseeing along the coastal road, stopping where we wanted to, singing and wandering, and before we knew it the sun began to set and the sky grew dim.
There was still quite a distance to the next town, and every campground along our route was full, so we couldn't sleep there and couldn't find anywhere to make dinner. To at least sort out dinner, we headed to the nearest campground.
It was already pitch dark, and it felt like bothering people enjoying their camping to even approach them. After asking several times in a corner if we could cook there, no one gave us a positive answer—perhaps because they didn't want their time and space invaded—and we were about to give up when...
A couple gladly offered not only the space but even said we could use their fire!
We hurriedly made dinner and shared it with the couple, and as we talked more they said they were going to sleep in their camper and told us to pitch our tent on their spot and sleep there.
It was truly lucky thanks to someone's kindness, but at that moment it hit me hard.
"Even things that seem impossible might work out if you knock."
I felt like I learned how to act when I face difficulties in the future.It remains a very happy memory personally; in fact, unexpectedly good things happened and I had a really enjoyable time.
# I can't say there weren't nights I felt upset, wondering if I had to go this far.
Another unavoidable aspect would be relationships with Koreans.I did my working holiday in a tourist town with relatively few Koreans. Because I had work before Lunar New Year, I went to a Korean restaurant—expensive but convenient—to have a meal, but...
There, unlike other restaurants, no one seated me at a table; after waiting and asking for a menu, they turned me away saying "If you didn't make a reservation you can't eat," and I left without an apology and without being able to dine.
After receiving treatment from Koreans that I had never experienced from anyone in Canada, I realized that I had come to experience Canadian culture but ended up encountering Korea instead; it made me understand the reality of the Korean community for working-holiday participants.
# I can't say there weren't nights when I felt sad and asked myself, 'Do I really have to go this far?'.jpg "(1).jpg")
First, if I had to pick a difficult but memorable story, it's from when I worked as a kitchen assistant at a hotel. It wasn't in the kitchens of the main restaurants; sometimes I worked in the staff-only cafeteria kitchen.
The chef in charge of the staff cafeteria — a drug addict, hot-tempered, and emotionally volatile, whom other kitchen staff avoided — would always interfere with my work. When I didn't know the names of tools or ingredients in English at first, he would deliberately speak faster in English and say, "You didn't understand, did you?" to humiliate me and crush my self-esteem. He also often made tasks that managers had assigned more complicated by telling me not to do them that way.
Then one day a coworker who had been working fixed shifts in the staff cafeteria quit, and I took that open position. It was truly awful. Spending each day in such an uncomfortable work environment and atmosphere made me feel like I was getting the gastric ulcer symptoms I had experienced in college.
After finishing work and returning to my lodging, negative thoughts would fill me — wondering why I had come all this way expecting a better life only to be treated like this. Worried that I might cause them concern, I couldn't tell my parents or acquaintances; I suffered alone and spent many nights filled with sorrow.A department manager who knew he treated kitchen assistants poorly had the chef disciplined, but it was of no use. Then my thinking changed: I decided to try making friends with him — the person I had viewed as an insurmountable problem.
I thought, "This isn't the military, and even in Canada they're stuck in Korean-style ways of working — why should I let someone stress me out?" I treated it as a growth challenge I needed to overcome.
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