"Through this opportunity I was able to experience social life and realized that changing one''s personality is, in some ways, surprisingly easier than I thought. But at some point I just felt like I had become a bit better. It seems you just need to make an effort to do well and naturally be yourself."" Gap Year Project: Placement at Social Enterprises That Change the World Hyunbin Kim, gap-year participant (gapper) (23, university student) / 8-week gap year * In this reviewThe photos are not taken by the participant; they are for illustrative purposes. |
# I''m glad I said I was earnest back then.
“I''m not telling you to work hard. I''m telling you to do it well.”
This was what the CEO told me after our first-day meeting when I said I would work hard. To be honest, my first thought was, ''Who can do it well from the start? They said they''d work hard anyway.''
Looking back, there wasn''t much to my reason for coming here at first. I wanted to be a little separated from my family and maybe try mixing with people..? It started just like that. I did say I was eager when talking with the CEO, but honestly it was just words. I did want to work, but I was worried and scared.
Anyway, I came without much thought, but after doing the consulting on the first day, I somehow felt I had to do it.Not because of the initial reasons, but because various additional personal reasons arose while doing the consulting. Looking back now, I''m glad I said I was eager then.
# What is it that I can''t enjoy?
“Did you bring your laptop?”
"No. I didn''t bring anything."
I didn''t know... I just showed up... They told me to study urban regeneration but I had nothing, so I borrowed another staff member''s laptop to study. I studied and presented, but the result was a total flop. Then I thought, ''Maybe I''m seriously lacking.''
After the failed presentation I talked more with the CEO. I was just listening sullenly when
"Don''t be so sensitive and don''t be on guard—just enjoy what others enjoy too."
Those words made me well up (I was moved to tears).
What is it that I can''t enjoy?
I cried a lot, feeling somehow wronged.
I think this was when I realized that living without purpose and being wary and disliking everyone except myself had become tiring and painful.
Honestly, I''ve never really done anything cheerfully and warmly with others. It''s always been group activities or assignments assigned at school. I even disliked doing things with others to the point I''d rather do them alone if things went wrong.But the important thing is I lived without really knowing that about myself.
My hobbies and skills were things I did alone, so being alone was the most comfortable and pleasant, but somehow I felt that doing things alone might be hard anymore. I tried attending camps and taking debate classes, but I always ended up concluding, ''Alone is best—no frustrations,'' and I thought this time would be the same.
What was different this time was that I thought, ''I shouldn''t cause others harm,'' so I acted with more sincerity.That gave me a different feeling from past experiences. Should I say I improved a bit?
# It gradually became fun — why on earth?
So I started doing research in the planning team. First I studied urban regeneration and looked up related organizations; after that I thought about the areas I was interested in and researched organizations among those chosen by my supervisor in the planning team.
What I mainly did was research organizations related to certain topics. At first it was boring and staring at the laptop all day hurt my eyes... in short, it was really not fun. But strangely, it gradually became fun — why on earth?
First, I think the primary reason is that it let me research topics I was interested in.
Because of the environment I grew up in, it was somewhat closed off in terms of interaction with the outside world (I don''t mean I lived in a remote area — I mean my guardian was so strict it was scary. The place I lived was a bit remote too), so I didn''t have much interaction.
Just sitting and browsing around the internet, there was a part that made my heart flutter as if I were actually there.
Even when researching countries I''m familiar with, like the U.S. or the Philippines, I felt unexpectedly excited, as if I were going back. Besides researching materials, I also enjoyed finding travel information and researching and organizing reviews of various programs like camps or craft schools.
It felt like going on a trip indirectly — at least mentally like traveling the world. Working like this, the eight weeks that seemed too long at first flew by in an instant when I actually worked, even though it didn''t feel like I had done that much.
''What did I even do? But it does feel like I''ve changed.''
# I didn''t feel stuck or bored.
When I couldn''t clearly tell if I had changed, that thought suddenly came to me.
''Ah, I don''t put up my guard anymore.''
''I have no complaints.''
''I''m not uncomfortable either.''
''Now it really doesn''t bother me. It''s comfortable.''
“I think the relationship in this very moment is extremely important.
Loving the person you''re talking to in this moment,
This means ''I love you right now.''”
Awwwww, mentor — so sweet. It''s the most memorable thing. You don''t have to force yourself to fit in; you can just be there naturally. The Little Prince didn''t force himself to become friends with the fox. He was just there beside him.
Awareness was important. The perception that no one would make things hard for me. The moment I realized that, I felt more at ease. I don''t know when I realized it, but at some point I naturally began to notice and accept my inner self.
Not expecting anything from me could be heard as saying I''m worthless, but in a way it seems to mean that it''s okay to stay as I am.It means that even without trying, the way I am now is okay.
# I just feel like I got a bit better at some point.
Khi mới bắt đầu dự án này, trong kỳ nghỉ tôi muốn rời nhà càng nhiều càng tốt để tham gia các hoạt động khác, đồng thời cũng hy vọng giảm bớt thói quen luôn dè chừng mọi người. Giờ nhìn lại, tôi nghĩ mình đã đạt được cả hai điều đó.
Nhờ cơ hội này, tôi được trải nghiệm cuộc sống xã hội và cũng nhận ra rằng việc thay đổi một số khía cạnh trong tính cách đôi khi lại dễ hơn ta nghĩ một cách đáng ngạc nhiên.
Thời gian trôi qua nhanh đến mức tôi không thực sự nhớ rõ mình đã làm gì ở đây hay điều gì đã thay đổi. Nhưng đến một lúc nào đó, tôi chỉ cảm thấy mình đã khá hơn một chút. Vì mỗi người mỗi khác nên tôi không thể nói với người khác rằng: “Cứ làm thế này là bạn sẽ tiến bộ.” Tôi thậm chí còn không biết chính xác mình đã thay đổi như thế nào để có thể giải thích cặn kẽ.
Nhưng có vẻ chỉ cần cố gắng làm tốt và sống tự nhiên là đủ.
Năm nghỉ ngơi của tôi là
Trải nghiệm★★★★★
Vì lần đầu tiên tôi thử những điều trước đây chưa từng làm
Học hỏi★★★★☆
Thật ra, mọi thứ diễn ra tự nhiên và thay đổi rất nhiều, nên tôi không thể nói rằng mình chỉ học được một điều duy nhất. Tôi đã học hỏi nhiều điều khác nhau theo cách đan xen.
Môi trường ★★★★☆
Tôi thích nơi này yên tĩnh và mọi người không đụng chạm vào nhau. Nhưng lúc đầu tôi khá bất ngờ vì nơi đây quá yên tĩnh và mọi người rất ít tiếp xúc cơ thể.
An toàn ★★★★★
Chúng tôi dành gần như toàn bộ thời gian ở trong nhà nên không xảy ra sự cố nguy hiểm nào.
Giải trí ★★★★☆
Thật ra không hẳn là lỗi của năm nghỉ ngơi, nhưng vì nơi này xa nhà nên tôi ngủ không được nhiều và ngày nào cũng mệt. Dù vậy, tôi thích việc trong giờ làm không ai làm phiền mình nhiều.
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